Signs your getting older.

(Please note, these do not apply to me as not only can I see my toes but I can touch them!)

Enjoy...

* Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

* The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

* You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

* Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.

* Your children begin to look middle aged.


* You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

* Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

* You look forward to a dull evening.

* Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."

* You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

* Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.

* You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

* Your back goes out more than you do.

* Your Pacemaker makes the garage doors go up when you see a pretty girl.

* The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

* You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

* You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

* You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

* You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

* You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

* You are proud of your lawn mower.

* Your best friend is dating someone half his age...and isn't breaking any laws.

* You call Olan Mills before they call you.

* Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

* You sing along with the elevator music.

* You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

* You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

* You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

* You make an appointment to see the dentist.

* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

* Neighbors borrow your tools.

* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

* You have a dream about prunes.

* You answer a question with, "because I said so."

* You send money to PBS.

* The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

* You take a metal detector to the beach.

* You wear black socks with sandals.

* You know what the word "equity" means.

* You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.

* Your ears are hairier than your head.

* You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

* You got cable for the weather channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV").

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

* When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you're down there.