Like a bird on the wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free
Like a worm on a hook
Like a knight from some old fashioned book
I have saved all my ribbons for thee
If I, if I have been unkind
I hope that you can just let it go by
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you
Oh, like a baby, stillborn
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me
But I swear by this song
And by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch
He said to me, "You must not ask for so much"
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door
She cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"
Oh, like a bird on the wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free
Read More...
2011-05-31
2011-05-30
Time for a change.
Notice the new quote (over on the left there...);
We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
I've found that the older I get the fewer people there are in my world.
I now know its simply because I've defined what it is that's important to me.
Not an easy thing to do.
When the kids came to live with me, I stopped dating. Didn't want to continually explain why so-so wasn't going to meet my kids. And there was no way I was gonna bring just anyone around (learned that lesson, thanks).
Now that doesn't matter anymore, Brad is 22 and Ali 19.
So, the past couple of years I began dating again.
WTF HAPPENED TO THE SCENE?
Is everyone crazy?
Are all women flakes?
Wrapped up in their self-imposed misery, unable to stand on their own two feet?
Seriously...
What's happened to people?
A reminder of the words of Jim Morrison;
People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
and;
That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretense. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.
and;
The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.
Have we forgotten what it is to be happy?
Are we content chasing 'things' and being compliant little consumers that we neglect that which is most important to us?
Do you not tire of trying to fit someone into a little box that will make everything just 'so'?
Remember that little racing of the heart... the I can't wait 'til they call feeling... that knowingness...
Find it.
Hold on to it.
Cherish it.
Remind your one of how special they are to you.
And never let them forget.
Perhaps one day, for me... Read More...
I now know its simply because I've defined what it is that's important to me.
Not an easy thing to do.
When the kids came to live with me, I stopped dating. Didn't want to continually explain why so-so wasn't going to meet my kids. And there was no way I was gonna bring just anyone around (learned that lesson, thanks).
Now that doesn't matter anymore, Brad is 22 and Ali 19.
So, the past couple of years I began dating again.
WTF HAPPENED TO THE SCENE?
Is everyone crazy?
Are all women flakes?
Wrapped up in their self-imposed misery, unable to stand on their own two feet?
Seriously...
What's happened to people?
A reminder of the words of Jim Morrison;
People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
and;
That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretense. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.
and;
The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.
Have we forgotten what it is to be happy?
Are we content chasing 'things' and being compliant little consumers that we neglect that which is most important to us?
Do you not tire of trying to fit someone into a little box that will make everything just 'so'?
Remember that little racing of the heart... the I can't wait 'til they call feeling... that knowingness...
Find it.
Hold on to it.
Cherish it.
Remind your one of how special they are to you.
And never let them forget.
Perhaps one day, for me... Read More...
2011-05-29
A storm front...
I've lived by the lake oh, 3 or 4 times now over the years.
And of the many reasons why, one is for the awesome storms over the lake.
The lightning is a sight to behold.
I sit here alone tonight, watching... thinking... wondering.
Read More...
And of the many reasons why, one is for the awesome storms over the lake.
The lightning is a sight to behold.
I sit here alone tonight, watching... thinking... wondering.
 |
| Lightning over water. |
'They' say... A Variation in Me Minor
They say every man bleeds just like me...
I doubt that.
So...
I've straight up and left your shit
Cause I'd had enough
And...
I'm a do things my way
It's my way
My way or the highway
And yet...
I am grateful. Read More...
the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The first full-length trailer of the hotly anticipated movie Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has leaked online.
Read More...
Read More...
Grapes
"Love him or hate him — after all these years, there is still no middle ground — Cherry occupies a rarefied place in the pantheon of Canadian celebrity. The Stanley Cup Final begins this week and, once again, he will be cast into the national spotlight. He will hurl thunderbolts from the bully pulpit known as Coach’s Corner, polarizing an audience that’s expected to break records..."
Donald Stewart "Grapes" Cherry (commonly referred to as Don Cherry) (born February 5, 1934) is a Canadian ice hockey commentator for CBC Television. Cherry co-hosts the "Coach's Corner" intermission segment (with Ron MacLean) on the long-running Canadian sports program Hockey Night in Canada, and in addition recently joined ESPN in the United States as a commentator during the latter stages of the Stanley Cup playoffs. He is known for his outspoken manner, flamboyant dress, and staunch patriotism.
I still like and watch Grapes on Coach's Corner. I don't always agree with what he has to say, but, he always has something to say. I'm reminded of a quote by the late Jim Morrison;
Donald S Cherry... outspoken man and Canadian icon. Read More...
2011-05-28
2011-05-27
Bruins/Canucks for the Cup
The Boston Bruins win an epic Game 7 and take the series 4-3 and now face the Vancouver Canucks for the Cup.
Schedule as follows;
Saturday, June 4 at Vancouver, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS
Monday, June 6 at Boston or Tampa Bay, 8 p.m. VERSUS, CBC, RDS
Wednesday, June 8 at Boston or Tampa Bay, 8 p.m. VERSUS, CBC, RDS
*Friday, June 10 at Vancouver, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS
*Monday, June 13 at Boston or Tampa Bay, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS
*Wednesday, June 15 at Vancouver, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS
Fox it up...
Canadian and actor Michael J Fox has received the Order of Canada.
In addition to the epic trilogy Back to the Future, I quite enjoyed him in The Frighteners, as well as his most recent role as Dennis Leary's nemesis in s6 of the HBO drama Rescue Me.
Well deserved. Read More...
The Great One at 50
I really didn't appreciate The Great One until after his retirement from professional hockey. He was always a Leaf killer and, lets not forget the fabled Kerry Fraser non-call against us in the Conference Finals in 1993 (see original CBC feed below).
In honour of Wayne Gretsky's recent 50th birthday, TSN.ca has compiled 50 Great Moments in celebration of his career.
Of all his records and accolades, for me, this one stands out most;
He has more assists than any other player in history has points - 1963.
Both video and images, it's well worth a look.
tmlfever.com has written up what it calls 99 Reasons Why Wayne Gretzky is "The Great One"
And here is that ()*&@#())(&$@#&*( high-stick on Doug Gilmour...
Read More...
Yes/No... maybe.
The Toronto Star reports of a Supreme Court decision that a woman must be conscious in order to grant consent to sex.
...
Um... duh? Read More...
...
Um... duh? Read More...
Beer eh...
Changes include;
* People can walk around freely with drinks at festivals and events, instead of being restricted to a beer tent
* Restaurant and bar servers can carry drinks on public sidewalks to licensed areas such as patios
* Special events such as weddings or charity fundraisers can serve alcohol for an extra hour until 2 a.m.
* All-inclusive vacation packages can now be sold
* Business owners can give a complimentary drink to customers to celebrate a special occasion (a wedding anniversary, for example)
Woot! Read More...
Will you trust Google with your money?
I foresee only trouble. Read More...
Bishop e5 check
The controversial per-vote subsidy was first introduced by former PM Jean Chrétien in 2004. A move in response to (at the time) new limits placed on political party contributions (aka - vote buying).
The Tories have long had an issue with the subsidy and as a party strong in grass-roots fundraising (as opposed to the Liberals, who rely heavily on Corporate donations and such), they are moving swiftly on this issue, confirmed recently by Federal Finance Minister Jim Flaherty.
Should be interesting. Read More...
Weight quietly retires.
I see that Doug Weight has retired.
At 40yrs old and after a (near) 20yr career in the NHL, the New York Islander's Captain has called it a career, taking a management position with the Islanders, the 6th team he'd played for.
Always liked Weight... Read More...
2011-05-26
The Perfect Date?
And without further ado;
1. It's okay to suggest a drink instead of dinner for a first date. She dreads a boring four-course ordeal, too.
2. Call her by early evening on Monday to confirm a Tuesday get-together. (Weekends aren't for first dates.)
3. Leave your home and work numbers. No home number and she'll assume you have a wife or girlfriend.
4. If you want to keep the plans a surprise, at least clue her in as to what to wear. You do not want an overdressed, overstressed woman navigating the Talladega pits in high heels
5. Yes, she'll notice if the date location you've chosen is conveniently around the block from your place.
6. Don't assume that just because you're out with a beautiful woman, she knows how pretty she looks -- she wants to hear it from you.
7. Ask if she's too cold or too warm, and if changing the temperature is in your power, fix it.
8. Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them; women judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them. White teeth, fresh breath, and unchapped lips make her more apt to pucker up.
9. Do not ask her, "So, what kind of music do you like?" The last 25 guys asked that. Be original.
10. She loves when you insist on ordering dessert. Sharing = extra sexy.
11. Tip well: Grab the check, mentally divide the bill by 10, double that number, and throw down the tip. Do it quickly but casually. Believe me, she'll be watching.
12. If she touches your arm, she's interested; if she touches your leg, she's interested tonight.
13. When in doubt, hold her hand.
14. Very small protective gestures go a long way and show her you're a gentleman: Offer your arm as she's stepping from a curb, direct her away from shards of broken glass aka Say Anything. She'll notice if you wait until she's safely in her car or house before you leave. Wait the extra 90 seconds, and next time you might be going in with her.
15. She expects you to know her eye color after the first date.
16. Women need momentum -- without it, they lose interest or wonder if you have. Momentum = a minimum of one date a week, plus a couple of phone calls in between.
17. She knows that when you invite her over for a homemade meal or to watch a movie, it's code for "tonight is hook-up night." Don't play this card any earlier than date three.
18. A Friday or Saturday night is required by date four. Otherwise, she'll wonder who else you're seeing.
19. Rule of Groping: If anything happens that couldn't be shown on prime-time TV, call her the next day. Otherwise, she'll feel cheap and used.
20. Don't say, "I'll call you," if you have no intention to. She'd prefer that you say nothing at all. Read More...
Astrology... an alternative view.
ARIES
(March 2 - April 20)
You are the pioneer and hold most of people in contempt. You are quick tempered and impatient and scornful of Advice. You are a prick.
TAURUS
(April 21 - May 21)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a Goddamn Communist.
GEMINI
(May 22 - June 21)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bas'tard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER
(June 22 - July 23)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples' problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and never be worth shit.
LEO
(July 24 - August 23)
You consider yourself a born leader, Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting, Leo people are thriving bas'tards and kiss mirrors a lot.
VIRGO
(August 24 - September 23)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA
(September 24 - October 23)
You are the artistic type, and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent, because most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of AIDS or some other venereal disease.
SCORPIO
(October 24 - November 22)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect Son of a Bitch. Most Scorpio's are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS
(November 23 - December 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck because you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you because you are always getting f00ked.
CAPRICORN
(December 22 -January 20)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken sheet. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
AQUARIUS
(January 21 - February 19)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined toward progressiveness. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fecking jerk.
PISCES
(February 20 - March 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think that you are being followed by the F.B.I. or the C.I.A. You have a minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pieces people screw small animals and pick their nose a lot. Read More...
Quelle surprise!
I'd posted earlier on what is traditionally known as the Femme-Fatale.
Today I read that women prefer men with the 'bad-boy' look...
By a wide margin, women really do find bad boys more attractive than their kind and happy counterparts, a new University of British Columbia study says.
Ya, turns out it's all about the **** after-all... Read More...
Today I read that women prefer men with the 'bad-boy' look...
 |
| Mickey Rourke |
Ya, turns out it's all about the **** after-all... Read More...
Arf she said...
Listening to Frank Zappa (and his Mothers of Invention) for the 100,000,001'st time...
Evelyn, a modified dog
Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise
In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes
A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom
Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains...
Arf she said
Read More...
Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise
In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes
A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom
Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains...
Arf she said
Today's historic space walk...
Live coverage of space shuttle Endeavour's STS-134 forth and final spacewalk can be seen here and here.
Mission: STS-134
Payload: AMS
Launch: May 16, 2011
Time: 8:56 a.m. EDT
Site: Pad 39A, Kennedy Space Center
Landing: June 1 @ approx. 2:32 a.m. EDT
Site: KSC's Shuttle Landing Facility Read More...
Payload: AMS
Launch: May 16, 2011
Time: 8:56 a.m. EDT
Site: Pad 39A, Kennedy Space Center
Landing: June 1 @ approx. 2:32 a.m. EDT
Site: KSC's Shuttle Landing Facility Read More...
It's a beautiful thing...
Stephen Hawking said;
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
Isn't it a beautiful thing? Read More...
 |
| Latest 3-D Image of the known universe |
Isn't it a beautiful thing? Read More...
2011-05-25
ahHA!!!
Live footage of the Bin Laden burial at sea leaked.
See if you can spot the reason why he was buried at sea...
Read More...
See if you can spot the reason why he was buried at sea...
Read More...
2011-05-24
And so, it has...
I've tried to mend
The love that ended
Long ago although we still pretend
Our love is surely coming to an end
Don't waste the time you've got to love again
We tried to lie
But you and I
Know better than to let each other lie
The thought of lying to you makes me cry
Counting up the time that's passed us by
I've sent this letter hoping it will reach your hand
And if it does I hope that you will understand
That I must leave in a while
And though I smile
You know the smile is only there to hide
What I'm really feeling deep inside
Just a face where I can hang my pride
Goodbye...
Goodbye...
We'll talk of places that we went
And times that we have spent
Together penniless and free
You'll see the day another way
And wake up with the sunshine
pouring right down where you lay
You'll love again I don't know when
But if you do I know that
you'll be happy in the end
Read More...
The love that ended
Long ago although we still pretend
Our love is surely coming to an end
Don't waste the time you've got to love again
We tried to lie
But you and I
Know better than to let each other lie
The thought of lying to you makes me cry
Counting up the time that's passed us by
I've sent this letter hoping it will reach your hand
And if it does I hope that you will understand
That I must leave in a while
And though I smile
You know the smile is only there to hide
What I'm really feeling deep inside
Just a face where I can hang my pride
Goodbye...
Goodbye...
We'll talk of places that we went
And times that we have spent
Together penniless and free
You'll see the day another way
And wake up with the sunshine
pouring right down where you lay
You'll love again I don't know when
But if you do I know that
you'll be happy in the end
Read More...
She's all that...
(Light it up)
We've been a little more than just friends
And in most cases, that's just where it ends
But I took the time to stoke up your flame
Can I get a witness to back up my claim
Now I'm standing so close to your fire
If I say that I quit ya, you can call me a liar
Now, we've been a little more than just friends
And where we go now, I guess that depends
If I get myself caught up in your scene
Black hair, black coffee, and hard nicotine
I can't sleep, I can't eat
Need you t' hold my hand
So I can cross the street
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Sugar in my coffee, oh yeah
Makes me mean
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
I'm her silver dollar
She's my slot machine
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, well I call her -
She's my Nicotine
Now, we've been a little more than just friends
And where we go now, I guess that depends
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Sugar in my coffee, oh yeah
Makes me mean
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
She's my V8 motor
I'm her gasoline
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
I'm her silver dollar
She's my slot machine
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, well I call her -
She's my Nicotine
Read More...
We've been a little more than just friends
And in most cases, that's just where it ends
But I took the time to stoke up your flame
Can I get a witness to back up my claim
Now I'm standing so close to your fire
If I say that I quit ya, you can call me a liar
Now, we've been a little more than just friends
And where we go now, I guess that depends
If I get myself caught up in your scene
Black hair, black coffee, and hard nicotine
I can't sleep, I can't eat
Need you t' hold my hand
So I can cross the street
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Sugar in my coffee, oh yeah
Makes me mean
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
I'm her silver dollar
She's my slot machine
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, well I call her -
She's my Nicotine
Now, we've been a little more than just friends
And where we go now, I guess that depends
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Sugar in my coffee, oh yeah
Makes me mean
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
She's my V8 motor
I'm her gasoline
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
I'm her silver dollar
She's my slot machine
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, well I call her -
She's my Nicotine
Read More...
I beg your pardon?
Allow me to set the scene...
It's Sunday, 'round dinner time.
In a local (and smallish) grocery store picking up a few things.
At the checkout now.
There is a couple at the head of the line.
'She' has just finished picking out a chocolate bar (I guess as a desert to go along with the dinner they're obviously making).
Now, he's up for a pick.
And... roll 'em.
As he's reaching for a Skor (well done buddy... my personal fav), arms akimbo, the woman pipes up with "ha, he's always had a hard time making a decision" (or something to that affect.
With a head toss, and a chuckle, as if she were being funny, at his expense.
The guy was not impressed.
And from what I saw, neither were anyone else in the line, nor was the cashier.
Who, in fact, came to his defense.
He tells the woman that was a sexist comment (attempting to use the fact he's a man, which means indecisive [according to her]), and, that he felt she was making light of this 'fact'... in public, for her amusement.
She is clearly not getting it, and is becoming both embarrassed (that this man, is calling her on her s**t in public?) and, defensive.
He lets it slide (what I hope is), for now.
I see this as no different than if it were him making a comment about her being indecisive simply because of her ample breasts... and then making light of it, in public!
Ya, see what I'm saying?
So then is the above comment sexist or ignorant?
Or both?
What say you... Read More...
It's Sunday, 'round dinner time.
In a local (and smallish) grocery store picking up a few things.
At the checkout now.
There is a couple at the head of the line.
'She' has just finished picking out a chocolate bar (I guess as a desert to go along with the dinner they're obviously making).
Now, he's up for a pick.
And... roll 'em.
As he's reaching for a Skor (well done buddy... my personal fav), arms akimbo, the woman pipes up with "ha, he's always had a hard time making a decision" (or something to that affect.
With a head toss, and a chuckle, as if she were being funny, at his expense.
The guy was not impressed.
And from what I saw, neither were anyone else in the line, nor was the cashier.
Who, in fact, came to his defense.
He tells the woman that was a sexist comment (attempting to use the fact he's a man, which means indecisive [according to her]), and, that he felt she was making light of this 'fact'... in public, for her amusement.
She is clearly not getting it, and is becoming both embarrassed (that this man, is calling her on her s**t in public?) and, defensive.
He lets it slide (what I hope is), for now.
Ya, see what I'm saying?
So then is the above comment sexist or ignorant?
Or both?
What say you... Read More...
2011-05-23
Twit alert!
Either I just faced one of the 'well-known' Twitter on Facebook account hack attempts (notice I use attempt and not attack), or... Facebook software detected the sheer number of tweets made in a relatively short period of time, and said... HEy!
Still didn't click no link!
Duh! Read More...
Still didn't click no link!
Duh! Read More...
Still a twit...
Still getting a 'feel' for Twitter...
Just felt like... I dunno... ranting/rambling 2nite... with the game on... listening to Bob Cole again. Read More...
Just felt like... I dunno... ranting/rambling 2nite... with the game on... listening to Bob Cole again. Read More...
I'm what? Do what? To who? Where?
Psychology Today has a number of interesting tests that you could take a look at, and, even do one or two, should you be so inclined... and are up for a little insight on yourself.
Read More...
Hmmm...
* Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground silly, it is a valuable plant.
* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Life is sexually transmitted.
* An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
* Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* All of us could take a lesson from the weather: it pays no attention to criticism.
* Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
* In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
* How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
* People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
* When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. "Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
* When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
* When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the ceiling?
* People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, didja there buddy?
* When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
* When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over. Read More...
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground silly, it is a valuable plant.
* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Life is sexually transmitted.
* An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
* Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* All of us could take a lesson from the weather: it pays no attention to criticism.
* Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
* In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
* How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
* People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
* When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. "Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
* When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
* When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the ceiling?
* People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, didja there buddy?
* When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
* When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over. Read More...
Wierd Facts...
Over on the Wastebook Note, I'm encouraging those to prove/disprove any of the following and I'll edit where appropriate.
Could be fun.
* Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
* The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickle the company once had.
* A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
* Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself.
* The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
* The dot over the letter 'i' is called a "tittle."
* A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
* Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller. (snopes says...) Thanks Dave
* A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
* A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
* A 2x4 actually measures 1-1/2 x 3-1/2
* 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
* Every person has a unique tongue print.
* The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino.
* 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
* During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.
* On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
* John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.
* Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
* Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate effects a dogs heart and nervous system, a few ounces enough to kill a small sized dog.
* Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.
* Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
* Most lipstick contains fish scales.
* Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
* Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
* Dr. Seuss actually pronounced Seuss such that it sounded like Sue-ice.
* Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
* Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
* During the California Gold Rush of 1849 miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years it was deemed more feasible to send the shirts to Hawaii for servicing.
* American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
* Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
* The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
* Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and lower, because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
* There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
* There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
* The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.
* The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before!
* The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
* There are four cars and eleven light posts on the back of a $10 dollar bill.
* Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors, also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
* If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
* Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
* If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
* The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA'
* The mask used by Michael Myers in the original Halloween was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
* The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!
* The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
* The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
* Roses MAY Be red, but violets ARE, indeed, violet.
* By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
* Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo.
* Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
* Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
* In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered.
* Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
* Sherlock Holmes NEVER said Elementary, my dear Watson.
* An old law in Bellingham, Wash., made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
* Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokesmodel.
* The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
* Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
* Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
* Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.
* Bats always turn left when exiting a cave! Read More...
True or False
* Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
* Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
* A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
* People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
* When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
* Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
* Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
* Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
* The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
* The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
* The average housefly lives for one month.
* 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
* A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
* The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
* Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
* Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
* The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
* The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
* John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
* Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
* In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
* Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash. Read More...
* Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
* A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
* People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
* When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
* Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
* Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
* Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
* The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
* The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
* The average housefly lives for one month.
* 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
* A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
* The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
* Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
* Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
* The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
* The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
* John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
* Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
* In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
* Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash. Read More...
Things you should've learned by middle age...
* If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
* Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
* Going to church/synagogue/mosque doesn't make you religious any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
* It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
* Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
* My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
* Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
* It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
* If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
* A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
* Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
* No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
* A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
* Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
* Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
* By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
* Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
* Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. Read More...
* Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
* Going to church/synagogue/mosque doesn't make you religious any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
* It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
* Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
* My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
* Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
* It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
* If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
* A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
* Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
* No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
* A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
* Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
* Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
* By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
* Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
* Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. Read More...
Insurance claim excuses...
The accident was due to the other man narrowly missing me.
The lorry driver halted and worked for the corporation.
I collided with a stationary tramcar coming in the other direction.
The occupants were stalking deer on the hillside.
I left my Austin Seven outside, and when I came out later, to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.
To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
There were plenty of lookers on, but no witnesses.
The water from my radiator accidentally froze at twelve midnight.
The accident was due to an invisible lorry narrowly missing me.
I was scraping my nearside on the bank when the accident occurred.
After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my favour.
I collided with a stationary tree.
There was no damage to the car as the gate post will testify.
The accident was due to the road bending.
The witness gave his occupation as a gentleman but it would be more correct in calling him a garage proprietor.
The other man altered his mind and I had to run over him.
I told the other idiot what he was and went on.
One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accellerator pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the trunk of a tree.
I remember nothing after passing the Crown Hotel until I came to and saw P.C. Brown.
A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
A bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, it would not have happened.
She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we collided.
I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.
I ran into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.
I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
I heard a horn blow and was violently struck in the back - a lady was evidently trying to pass me.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.
Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.
I can give no details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.
Wilful damage was done to the upholstery by rats.
A pedestrian hit me and went underneath my car.
I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.
I thought the garage had only four posts, but my car bumped into a fifth.
I was overhauling the car when it was stolen.
A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.
The car in front of me stopped suddenly and I crashed gently into his luggage grid.
I left my car unattended for a minute and whether by accident or design it ran away.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intentions.
I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital much regretting the circumstances.
I thought the side window was down but it was up as I found out when I put my head through it.
I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one.
I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault and had been knocked over before.
I looked for the sign but the more I looked the more I couldn't find it.
By the way, I believe if I had lost my head the accident could have been worse.
I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.
A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.
The bloke was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing my to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police I was not injured but upon removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea in which direction to run, so I ran over him.
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road and was later found in a ditch by some stray boys.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive straight into a bus; the bus was five minutes early.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel. Read More...
The lorry driver halted and worked for the corporation.
I collided with a stationary tramcar coming in the other direction.
The occupants were stalking deer on the hillside.
I left my Austin Seven outside, and when I came out later, to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.
To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
There were plenty of lookers on, but no witnesses.
The water from my radiator accidentally froze at twelve midnight.
The accident was due to an invisible lorry narrowly missing me.
I was scraping my nearside on the bank when the accident occurred.
After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my favour.
I collided with a stationary tree.
There was no damage to the car as the gate post will testify.
The accident was due to the road bending.
The witness gave his occupation as a gentleman but it would be more correct in calling him a garage proprietor.
The other man altered his mind and I had to run over him.
I told the other idiot what he was and went on.
One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accellerator pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the trunk of a tree.
I remember nothing after passing the Crown Hotel until I came to and saw P.C. Brown.
A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
A bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, it would not have happened.
She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we collided.
I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.
I ran into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.
I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
I heard a horn blow and was violently struck in the back - a lady was evidently trying to pass me.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.
Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.
I can give no details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.
Wilful damage was done to the upholstery by rats.
A pedestrian hit me and went underneath my car.
I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.
I thought the garage had only four posts, but my car bumped into a fifth.
I was overhauling the car when it was stolen.
A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.
The car in front of me stopped suddenly and I crashed gently into his luggage grid.
I left my car unattended for a minute and whether by accident or design it ran away.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intentions.
I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital much regretting the circumstances.
I thought the side window was down but it was up as I found out when I put my head through it.
I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one.
I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault and had been knocked over before.
I looked for the sign but the more I looked the more I couldn't find it.
By the way, I believe if I had lost my head the accident could have been worse.
I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.
A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.
The bloke was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing my to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police I was not injured but upon removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea in which direction to run, so I ran over him.
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road and was later found in a ditch by some stray boys.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive straight into a bus; the bus was five minutes early.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel. Read More...
100 reasons on...
Why it's great being a Guy;
Reason 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Reason 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
Reason 3. You know stuff about tanks.
Reason 4. A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Reason 5. Monday Night Football
Reason 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
Reason 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Reason 8. You can open all your own jars.
Reason 9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight.
Reason 10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
Reason 11. When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
Reason 12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Reason 13. All your orgasms are real.
Reason 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Reason 15. Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.
Reason 16. You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
Reason 17. You understand why “Stripes” is funny.
Reason 18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Reason 19. Your last name stays put.
Reason 20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
Reason 21. When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
Reason 22. You can kill your own food.
Reason 23. The garage is all yours.
Reason 24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Reason 25. You see the humour in “Terms of Endearment”.
Reason 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Reason 27. You never have to clean the toilet.
Reason 28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Reason 29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Reason 30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Reason 31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Reason 32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
Reason 33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
Reason 34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
Reason 35. You don’t have to shave below the neck.
Reason 36. You don’t have to curl up to a hairy ass every night.
Reason 37. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
Reason 38. You can write your name in the snow.
Reason 39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Reason 40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
Reason 41. Chocolate is just another snack.
Reason 42. You can be president.
Reason 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Reason 44. Flowers fix everything.
Reason 45. You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
Reason 46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
Reason 47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Reason 48. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Reason 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
Reason 50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
Reason 51. Foreplay is optional.
Reason 52. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
Reason 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
Reason 54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Reason 55. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Reason 56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Reason 57. Car mechanics tell the truth.
Reason 58. You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Reason 59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking “he must be mad at me”.
Reason 60. The world is your urinal.
Reason 61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
Reason 62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Reason 63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Reason 64. One mood, all the time.
Reason 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
Reason 66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too skeevy.
Reason 67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
Reason 68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Reason 69. Same work, more pay.
Reason 70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Reason 71. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Reason 72. Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100.
Reason 73. You don’t care if someone is talking behind your back.
Reason 74. With 400 million sperm per shot you could double the earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
Reason 75. You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
Reason 76. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
Reason 77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
Reason 78. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
Reason 79. ESPN’s sports centre.
Reason 80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Reason 81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
Reason 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
Reason 83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
Reason 84. You needn’t pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
Reason 85. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed.
Reason 86. Someday you will be a dirty old man.
Reason 87. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase “Fuck it”.
Reason 88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
Reason 89. Princess Di’s death was almost just another obituary.
Reason 90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Reason 91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you are not in the mood.
Reason 92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
Reason 93. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
Reason 94. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Reason 95. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Reason 96. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
Reason 97. Not liking a person doesn’t preclude having great sex with them.
Reason 98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So … notice anything different?”
Reason 99. Baywatch.
Reason 100. There is always a game on somewhere. Read More...
Reason 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Reason 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
Reason 3. You know stuff about tanks.
Reason 4. A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Reason 5. Monday Night Football
Reason 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
Reason 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Reason 8. You can open all your own jars.
Reason 9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight.
Reason 10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
Reason 11. When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
Reason 12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Reason 13. All your orgasms are real.
Reason 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Reason 15. Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.
Reason 16. You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
Reason 17. You understand why “Stripes” is funny.
Reason 18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Reason 19. Your last name stays put.
Reason 20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
Reason 21. When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
Reason 22. You can kill your own food.
Reason 23. The garage is all yours.
Reason 24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Reason 25. You see the humour in “Terms of Endearment”.
Reason 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Reason 27. You never have to clean the toilet.
Reason 28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Reason 29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Reason 30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Reason 31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Reason 32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
Reason 33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
Reason 34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
Reason 35. You don’t have to shave below the neck.
Reason 36. You don’t have to curl up to a hairy ass every night.
Reason 37. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
Reason 38. You can write your name in the snow.
Reason 39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Reason 40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
Reason 41. Chocolate is just another snack.
Reason 42. You can be president.
Reason 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Reason 44. Flowers fix everything.
Reason 45. You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
Reason 46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
Reason 47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Reason 48. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Reason 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
Reason 50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
Reason 51. Foreplay is optional.
Reason 52. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
Reason 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
Reason 54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Reason 55. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Reason 56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Reason 57. Car mechanics tell the truth.
Reason 58. You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Reason 59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking “he must be mad at me”.
Reason 60. The world is your urinal.
Reason 61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
Reason 62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Reason 63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Reason 64. One mood, all the time.
Reason 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
Reason 66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too skeevy.
Reason 67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
Reason 68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Reason 69. Same work, more pay.
Reason 70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Reason 71. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Reason 72. Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100.
Reason 73. You don’t care if someone is talking behind your back.
Reason 74. With 400 million sperm per shot you could double the earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
Reason 75. You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
Reason 76. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
Reason 77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
Reason 78. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
Reason 79. ESPN’s sports centre.
Reason 80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Reason 81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
Reason 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
Reason 83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
Reason 84. You needn’t pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
Reason 85. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed.
Reason 86. Someday you will be a dirty old man.
Reason 87. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase “Fuck it”.
Reason 88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
Reason 89. Princess Di’s death was almost just another obituary.
Reason 90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Reason 91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you are not in the mood.
Reason 92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
Reason 93. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
Reason 94. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Reason 95. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Reason 96. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
Reason 97. Not liking a person doesn’t preclude having great sex with them.
Reason 98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So … notice anything different?”
Reason 99. Baywatch.
Reason 100. There is always a game on somewhere. Read More...
"Hello, Tech Support... how may I help you?"
* Helpdesk - What kind of computer do you have? Female customer - A white one...
* Female Customer - Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk - Have you tried pushing the button? Customer - Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Helpdesk - That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..." Customer - No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.
* Helpdesk - Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Female Customer - Your left or my left?
* Helpdesk - Good day. How may I help you? Male customer - Hello... I can't print. Helpdesk - Would you click on start for me and ... Customer - Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
* Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
* Customer - I have problems printing in red... Helpdesk - Do you have a colour printer? Customer - Aaaah....................thank you.
* Helpdesk - What's on your monitor now ma'am? Customer - A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
* Helpdesk - And now hit F8. Customer - It's not working. Helpdesk - What did you do, exactly? Customer - I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
* Customer - My keyboard is not working anymore. Helpdesk - Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer - No. I can't get behind the computer. Helpdesk - Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer - OK Helpdesk - Did the keyboard come with you? Customer - Yes Helpdesk - That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer - Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
* Helpdesk - Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer - Is that 7 in capital letters?
* A customer couldn't get on the internet. Helpdesk - Are you sure you used the right password? Customer - Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Helpdesk - Can you tell me what the password was? Customer - Five stars.
* Helpdesk - What antivirus program do you use? Customer - Netscape. Helpdesk - That's not an antivirus program. Customer - Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
* Customer - I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
* Helpdesk - Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you? Old woman - Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can You please tell me how long it will take before you can help me? Helpdesk - Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem? Old woman - I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
* Helpdesk - How may I help you? Customer - I'm writing my first e-mail. Helpdesk - OK, and, what seems to be the problem? Customer - Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it? Read More...
* Female Customer - Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk - Have you tried pushing the button? Customer - Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Helpdesk - That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..." Customer - No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.
* Helpdesk - Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Female Customer - Your left or my left?
* Helpdesk - Good day. How may I help you? Male customer - Hello... I can't print. Helpdesk - Would you click on start for me and ... Customer - Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
* Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
* Customer - I have problems printing in red... Helpdesk - Do you have a colour printer? Customer - Aaaah....................thank you.
* Helpdesk - What's on your monitor now ma'am? Customer - A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
* Helpdesk - And now hit F8. Customer - It's not working. Helpdesk - What did you do, exactly? Customer - I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
* Customer - My keyboard is not working anymore. Helpdesk - Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer - No. I can't get behind the computer. Helpdesk - Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer - OK Helpdesk - Did the keyboard come with you? Customer - Yes Helpdesk - That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer - Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
* Helpdesk - Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer - Is that 7 in capital letters?
* A customer couldn't get on the internet. Helpdesk - Are you sure you used the right password? Customer - Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Helpdesk - Can you tell me what the password was? Customer - Five stars.
* Helpdesk - What antivirus program do you use? Customer - Netscape. Helpdesk - That's not an antivirus program. Customer - Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
* Customer - I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
* Helpdesk - Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you? Old woman - Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can You please tell me how long it will take before you can help me? Helpdesk - Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem? Old woman - I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
* Helpdesk - How may I help you? Customer - I'm writing my first e-mail. Helpdesk - OK, and, what seems to be the problem? Customer - Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it? Read More...
Why did the chicken cross the road... by
GEORGE W. BUSH - We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
AL GORE - I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER - The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN - To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH - I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
JERRY FALWELL - Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it-the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens 'til we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS - Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY - To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. - I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA - In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS - Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON - Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE - It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX - It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN - This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
VOLTAIRE - I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN - What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK - To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER - You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD - The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES - I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
MARTHA STEWART - No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
ALBERT EINSTEIN - Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON - I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
THE BIBLE - And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS - I missed one? Read More...
AL GORE - I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER - The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN - To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH - I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
JERRY FALWELL - Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it-the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens 'til we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS - Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY - To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. - I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA - In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS - Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON - Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE - It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX - It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN - This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
VOLTAIRE - I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN - What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK - To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER - You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD - The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES - I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
MARTHA STEWART - No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
ALBERT EINSTEIN - Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON - I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
THE BIBLE - And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS - I missed one? Read More...
The road I walk...
Like the dust that settles all around me,
I must find a new home.
The ways and holes that used to give me shelter,
Are all as one to me now.
But I, I would search everywhere
Just to hear your call,
And walk upon stranger roads than this one
In a world I used to know before.
I miss you more.
Than the sun reflecting off my pillow,
Bringing the warmth of new life.
And the sounds that echoed all around me,
I caught a glimpse of in the night.
But now, now I've lost everything,
I give to you my soul.
The meaning of all that I believed before
Escapes me in this world of none, no thing, no one.
And I would search everywhere
Just to hear your call,
And walk upon stranger roads than this one
In a world I used to know before.
For now I've lost everything,
I give to you my soul.
The meaning of all that I believed before
Escapes me in this world of none,
I miss you more.
Read More...
I must find a new home.
The ways and holes that used to give me shelter,
Are all as one to me now.
But I, I would search everywhere
Just to hear your call,
And walk upon stranger roads than this one
In a world I used to know before.
I miss you more.
Than the sun reflecting off my pillow,
Bringing the warmth of new life.
And the sounds that echoed all around me,
I caught a glimpse of in the night.
But now, now I've lost everything,
I give to you my soul.
The meaning of all that I believed before
Escapes me in this world of none, no thing, no one.
And I would search everywhere
Just to hear your call,
And walk upon stranger roads than this one
In a world I used to know before.
For now I've lost everything,
I give to you my soul.
The meaning of all that I believed before
Escapes me in this world of none,
I miss you more.
Read More...
2011-05-22
And this...
Birthday wish goes out to Joshua... he's 6 today.
Happy Birthday!
Enjoy your day little man. Read More...
2011-05-21
WhaddoIknow...
I've been sittin here
Tryin to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself
Lookin for the payback
Listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me
And I feel like number one
Yet I'm last in line
I watch my youngest son
And it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills it helps to ease the pain
I made a couple of dollar bills, but still I feel the same
Everybody knows my name
They say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me
It's hard to hang out in crowds
I guess that's the price you pay
To be some big shot like I am
Out strecthed hands and one night stands
Still I can't find love
And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
Yeah
As it...hey
And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
People don't know about the things I say and do
They don't understand about the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home
I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all things I miss
Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this
I said it too many times
And I still stand firm
You get what you put in
And people get what they deserve
Still I ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin
I've been walking that there line
So I think I'll keep a walking
With my head held high
I'll keep moving on and only God knows why
Only God
Only God
Only God knows why, why, why, why
Only God...knows...why, why, why
Only God knows why
Take me to the river edge
Take me to the river, hey hey hey
Read More...
Tryin to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself
Lookin for the payback
Listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me
And I feel like number one
Yet I'm last in line
I watch my youngest son
And it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills it helps to ease the pain
I made a couple of dollar bills, but still I feel the same
Everybody knows my name
They say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me
It's hard to hang out in crowds
I guess that's the price you pay
To be some big shot like I am
Out strecthed hands and one night stands
Still I can't find love
And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
Yeah
As it...hey
And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
People don't know about the things I say and do
They don't understand about the shit that I've been through
It's been so long since I've been home
I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all things I miss
Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this
I said it too many times
And I still stand firm
You get what you put in
And people get what they deserve
Still I ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin
I've been walking that there line
So I think I'll keep a walking
With my head held high
I'll keep moving on and only God knows why
Only God
Only God
Only God knows why, why, why, why
Only God...knows...why, why, why
Only God knows why
Take me to the river edge
Take me to the river, hey hey hey
Read More...
And so...
The world did not end (today...).
There was no Rapture (for you religious types).
I didn't see any zombies, though I felt like one most of the day.
So go ahead, enjoy the mild weather (finally), have a BBQ, grab a beer (or a d00b... or a beer and a d00b).
In either case, just breathe.
Peace. Read More...
There was no Rapture (for you religious types).
I didn't see any zombies, though I felt like one most of the day.
So go ahead, enjoy the mild weather (finally), have a BBQ, grab a beer (or a d00b... or a beer and a d00b).
In either case, just breathe.
Peace. Read More...
NHL Playoffs 2011
The conference finals are in full swing. Plenty of overtime games, epic comebacks, awesome goals and even a fight or two. Both series (Boston / Tampa and Vancouver / San Jose) have provided entertaining games. Both look to go the distance. Read More...
me2
While aware for quite a while now my Emotional Intelligence (known as EI), was higher than what is generally accepted to be 'average', this was actually the first serious test I'd undertaken. There was a book published a while back, which I'd read. Authored by Daniel Goleman, it was titled Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. It was an international bestseller first published in 1995. I seem to recall there were some quasi-serious tests available at the books end.
At ANY rate (there's that phrase again), Psychology Today has a number of (tests available on it's site. If you're up to to learning a bit about yourself (and, why wouldn't you be?), I suggest you try some out.
Part of what's posted is also taken from tests/surveys and such from other sites.
As a result, there are contradictions. An example, how can someone with a high degree of self-confidence have low self-esteem?
Ya, that's what I thought too.
However...
Emotional Intelligence
This emotional intelligence test consists of two parts; a self-report portion and an ability portion. The test assesses your capacity to recognize your own emotions and those of others; understand how best to motivate yourself; become close to others; and manage your own feelings and those of others. Emotional intelligence contributes a great deal to your potential in life. A poor emotional intelligence can hold a brilliant individual back from achieving his or her goals, while a good IQ can help someone who might otherwise struggle achieve success in life.
 | |
| My score - 20 May 2011 |
"According to your self-report answers, your emotional intelligence is excellent. People who score like you do feel that they have almost no trouble understanding and dealing with their own emotions and those of others. They have an easy time overcoming difficulties in their lives and they are able to control their moods. It's easy for them to motivate themselves to overcome obstacles and reach their goals. In addition, they find social interactions to be quite easy and fulfilling, for several reasons. They are comfortable allowing themselves to get close with others, and feel comfortable being vulnerable enough to establish intimacy. They also report having an easy time offering support to others; this is likely due to an empathetic nature and a clear mind when it comes to offering good advice."
 | |
| My score - 20 May 2011 |
"You scored somewhere in the middle between introversion and extroversion, which means that you draw characteristics from both ends of the spectrum. Sometimes, you need time to yourself, preferring to think things through on your own. Other times, you enjoy interacting with others. Overall, you are likely a fairly outgoing person who occasionally opts for solitude. You likely need a balance of alone time and time with others in your life because you can become a little overwhelmed if you ignore the introverted side of yourself."
 |
| My score - 04 February 200 |
Trait Explanations
In order to interpret your raw trait scores, they were compared to the first 350,000 people to complete the full MyPersonality Big Five questionnaire. This allows the way that you described yourself to be put in the context of how other people respond to the questionnaire. You should remember that there are no fundamentally good or bad personalities, as each trait description has potential advantages and disadvantages.
Openness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 65.5% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is intellectually curious and appreciative of what you consider beautiful, no matter what others think. You might say that your imagination is vivid and makes you more creative than many others.
Conscientiousness
This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organized, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 84.1% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is a perfectionist. From your responses it appears that you prefer to plan everything to the last detail, which has consequently led to you being very successful and extremely reliable. From your responses it appears that more than most you enjoy seeing your long-term plans come to fruition.
Extroversion
This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 94.5% of respondents have a lower extroversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is constantly energetic, exuberant and active. Your answers describe you as someone who aims to be the centre of attention at social occasions, asserts yourself when in groups, and usually says, "Yes!"
Agreeableness
This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 96.4% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is extremely easy to get along with. Your responses suggest that you would say you are considerate, friendly, generous and helpful and you consider most other people to be thoroughly decent and trustworthy.
Neuroticism (Emotional Stability)
This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 21% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is calm and emotionally stable. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who is rarely bothered by things, and when they do get you down the feeling does not persist for very long.
Research has found that the Big Five personality traits are significantly related to Jungian Typology (e.g. the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). This is a popular alternative personality framework regularly used for personal development, in which Types are used rather than Traits. Based on your Big Five trait scores, your estimated Type is shown below.
ENFJs weave and strengthen the collective fabric of social conventions and interactions. Inclusiveness is important and they are particularly sensitive to those who are excluded. They focus on others, feeling a glow when those around them are happy, and troubled when something is amiss. They are natural cheerleaders, often expressing support, gratitude, and encouragement, and heaping praise onto those they appreciate. They take note of what is being done and what needs doing, offering their assistance wherever necessary. ENFJs enjoy organising group activities and tend to take their commitments seriously. In general, they are reliable and do not like to disappoint others. As team players and project leaders, they have a gift for rallying their players, focusing on what is being done right and each member's strengths. They are loyal and they expect loyalty. They carry conversations well, finding common ground with their speaker. They tend to find the correct and gracious way to respond in any given situation, no matter how tense or uncomfortable it is.
And because I'm born under the Astrological Sign of Aries, here is how the Big 5 pertain to my sign;
You do not have an Aries personality...
The Aries personality is described independent and idealistic which overall suggests a slightly above-average openness trait score. This is accurate for you.
The Aries personality likes to "act first, ask questions or have doubts later", which is in contrast with the thoughtful planning of someone with an above-average conscientiousness trait score, which is what you have.
The Aries personality is adventurous, impulsive, active and outgoing, which would suggest a very high extraversion trait score. You do indeed have a close to average extraversion score.
The Aries personality is on the one hand forceful and competitive, but on the other hand "surprisingly trusting", which overall still suggests a below average agreeableness trait score, however your agreeableness score is actually above-average.
It is also intemperate and "fiery", suggesting an above-average neuroticism trait score. However, your neuroticism trait score is actually below average.
Your star sign has accurately predicted 2 out of 5 traits, which means that you are hardly an Aries at all!
 |
| Not a Ram! |
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it's likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions-you rarely regret things you've done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it's very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
Family Orientation
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don't have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.
Self-Control
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you're given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it's possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to "stay within the lines." Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
Openness
As someone moderate in openness, you have an appreciation for art and nature, but are also down to earth and realistic. On the one hand, it's likely that you are fond of music and art, and on the other hand, enjoy and appreciate things that have a clear point and some sort of practical utility. Additionally, you have a certain degree of awareness of your own emotions; that is, you tend to notice when you're feeling a particular way and take those feelings into account when making decisions.
You tend to think in both abstract ways-in terms of metaphors-and logically. Therefore, in your work and free time, you enjoy activities that get your "creative juices" flowing, but are also able to keep your mind on the primary objective of the task at hand.
Your tendency to be both open-minded, yet realistic is generally quite advantageous. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easy for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. However, because you are also realistic-minded, you are able follow-rules quite easily. This combination makes it easy for you to excel in your work because you are able to "think outside the box" while still being able to keep your eyes on "the big picture."
Easygoingness
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to "take things as they come" and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.
How does your personality affect your love life?
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it's likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it's likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you're probably attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling. For this reason, you may ultimately be most satisfied in a relationship with someone that is shares your level of self-control.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, you may become frustrated with people that are too unconventional or traditional. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share both your open-mindedness and realistic nature.
With an (traditional) I.Q. of 183, in the top 1/15th percentile (that's fifteenth) and an E.I. rating of 137, in the top 1 percentile, I'm sure you've got me all figure out now.
And with that...
 |
| Peace! |
Posts
