Only here...

Um, did I mention I walk past sheep to get to my local pub.

...

baaaaaaa

No schit. Read More...

Everything happens for a reason.

Those words were said to me again, just last night.

There are 3 young people 'round Brad and Ali's age living above me and Thursday one of them (Sam) knocked on my door 'asking' (I kid thee not) if I wouldn't mind him having a birthday party the next day (Friday). He was turning twenty, and said I should drop up for a beer and such.! Now, 20 is a big birthday, so I thanked him for politely asking me, and said I'd come by.

So, that's exactly what I did.

After a coupla games of poker/pool (and such), I got the munchies and went home.
Brought up a few beer and walked in to an ongoing kitchen party.
I like kitchen parties and this one was no different.

Blah blah blah...
Yadda yadda yadda...
Swap a yarn here and there and I find out that only Sam's Grandmother had sung him Happy Birthday.
Of course I could not allow this to pass, so...
After getting the attention of everyone (now 30 people or so) there *ahem*... I led them in a rousing edition of the traditional Birthday greeting.
:l

Did I mention that Sam's good friend is the young man who picked me up hitch-hiking on the final leg of my journey just outside of Yarmouth?

I KNOW EH!

Just leaving Thursday and I hear "you've been living downstairs the whole time?"
I'm like wtf!
I know this guy, but from where?
He's sittin in his car and he mentions the burn mark on his seat and it clicks.
OMG this is the Benjamin!
Too funny.
We agree to speak at the party.

To the party... and he's grilling me on a variety of subjects, as are a lot there. Some know Brad (some Alicia).

I stand out in a crowd and the party is no different.

Good conversation and laughter is had by all.

Thanks for the ride.

I leave after 'bout an hour and I realized that yet again I had just had another good day and I thought you should know that.

Read More...

Nora J

There's finally a pic to show (tks to Colin)! Sure there are other since June, but this is the only one uploaded as yet. This is my first hull, launching 21 Oct 2011. Read More...

Update...

Hard to believe, but, it's been just over 3 months since I set out from Toronto. Three incredible months! Work is going great... my son and I see each other regularly and are getting along (what I feel is) better than the usual Father/Son relationship would suggest. He's awesome... and he's my son. *sniff* I miss my pwincess though... hope you are well my angel... Ali. :) At work I look out and see the beauty that is nature... my pub (as are it's patron's), is a blast. I even play Hold 'em now... ya ya, I know. Be well... Read More...

Beer you say?

With incredible coincidence (ahem)... the library is a 5min walk from my home. My local PUB is a 10min walk and lemme tell ya there is NO OTHER place like it in the world. The Owl's Nest is local legend and is a... BOOTLEGGER'S!!! woot! I kid thee not! Just like in the movies it is filled with characters and yarns, cards/darts/poker/pool/music and alcohol (Rum being the drink of choice). I've taken (again) to Schooner's though as Rum is... nasty. :l And, whereas in T.O. a Bar patio may be common... imagine what is known as 'up-north'... only on the Atlantic. That, is my 'backyard' now... without the humidity. :) Read More...

And now...

It's been a while as acess is currently sporadic. That will soon change but thought I'd offer quick update.

Moved in to my own place yesterday. A small 2bdrm, all new and such. Almost 6wks at the boatshop now, and have gotten my legs under me again at work. The people here are awesome, good to know you all. Still, will always have T.O. in me, and why the f00k not! Read More...

As of today...

Is now a shipbuilder!

woot woot Read More...

As it were...

A trusted friend said to me 'Don't Look Back'.
With that, I've decided to make a go of it here.
Tomorrow, I'm heading off to a local shipyard and applying for a job (with my skill-set, it shouldn't be an issue). And, with recommendations from those I've met here, a sure thing.
I've fallen in love with Pubnico. It is simply paradise.

Eventually, pics will be provided, but, for now... Read More...

I'm...

After having hitch-hiked, and, sleeping roadside in a tent for 3 consecutive days through Quebec and New Brunswick... AND... with the level of seeming randomness occurring that is not, in fact, random at all... I continue to be somewhat speechless. Read More...

Is here...

After being stuck in Quebec for 24hrs, I arrived in Pubnico 'round 7'ish yesterday.
With my son, and we are both in a state of disbelief and joy.

That is all for now. Read More...

Monday...

After spending the weekend in Kingston, have hitched it to Ottawa. Will more than likely spend the night and make for Montreal in the morning.
Had a blast in Kingston with old friends (hey John), and made new friends @ Artel.
Thanks for everyone there, more to follow about you. Read More...

Up 'til now...

Other than a major tequila based drunk fest for Dave and I on Monday, and the return home of Jenn Tuesday nite, our week (as yet) is filled with laughter, good food, alcohol, movies, swims, fires... alcohol, trips into town... more alcohol. Today I messaged my army buddy (John) in Kingston and start organizing myself for the trip there.

I feel a sense of 'freedom' washing over me.
And my pain seems to be lessening. Lessening, but still there. Read More...

The End of the First Week

I've not slept 12hrs in a very long time. But, after having been out here for a few days now I'm accepting that my sleep patterns will take a while to adjust to the fresh air.

Up at noon and I decide upon a walk downtown to visit the local Timmy's. A bagel and coffee follow.

Back at Dennis' and pop online for a quick read and update.

It was then I hear a knock on the front door. I suggest they go 'round back. It was then
I see it is Dave!!!
I go out front and greet him, then introduce him to Dennis and Diana. I pack up my belongings and leave D and D with the following;

Your kindness and generosity of spirit will not be forgotten.

After loading up Dave and Jenn's Kia SUV, we decide to hit the local Metro to satisfy our craving for Hamburger Helper - Strogganof. Dual box special!

I then see their INDOOR POOL!!!

OMG!

We have a fire in their firepit, then hit the pool.

We watch a movie and I end the night on their living room couch.

Nice seeing Dave again (Jenn is in Toronto for a couple days). Read More...

Wow

"It takes considerable courage and commitment to be brutally honest with oneself. But it is precisely this willingness to stop our chronic self-deception and face the truth that finally sets us free." Read More...

Day 4

Saturday I sleep an incredible 12hrs!!!

A slice of pizza is my breakfast, as well as a can of Coke.
I take a look at Diana's computer as Dennis said he'd seen a spark and now it won't boot.
Sure enough, it's fried.

I head out into town again in the hopes of finding an internet cafe. No such luck as I head back to Dennis'. It is then he tell's me that HE has a computer as well!

LMAO

I am online for the first time in 2 days!
With no phone connection, it seems a little odd being out of contact with 'civilization', such as it is.

The day is spent sunning in the yard, working on my tan, and having a beer, or two.

Dennis cooks up an awesome meal of chicken, spuds and green beans. The two of us head out for a game of pool, but are outta luck as the pub down the street is closed for some reason. We walk into town and eventually have our game of pool and a quick couple of beers.

As he's not up to the walk back (after drinking most of the day sitting in the sun, I gotta agree with him), so, we hop a cab back and call it a day.

No fire tonight... Read More...

Canada Day

After sleeping near 9 hours (OMG), I awaken, have a shower and head out to a Canada Day BBQ. Wolfing down a burger and beer, I shoot a game of pool myself. I then take a leisurely stroll to 'downtown' Trenton. I never really got a look at it when here in '85. It seems to be the proverbial small town Ontario. Quite nice.

Heading back to Dennis' place, I am met with Dennis and Diana in the yard, with a couple of women. Pam and Lisa (hello) turn out to be friends of Diana's. We all sit out back (mostly under shade...), enjoying beer, laughter, and the constant whine of the pups.

We have more beer...

Then more...

Eventually we order pizza, and, I gotta say I have THE BEST PizzaPizza I'd ever had!
I simply cannot believe it!

Another awesome fire ends my day.

I crash before midnight as I'm simply exhausted, and not just a little buzzed. Read More...

Random days and random people...

With a final ride on the TTC, I arrive at the Bay/Dundas bus terminal and pick up my ticket. Run into an old-time SGT and engage in conversation. I ponder (and ask) as he's wearing a maroon coloured beret, which are not given out anymore (recall the Airborne Somalia 'affair'). Turns out he'd earned it in 1979!!! Props given.

With a stop-over at Scarborough Town Centre to pickup other passengers, we eventually arrive in Trenton around 9'ish. Without a place to stay (as Dave/Jenn turn out to be unavailable until Tuesday), I enter the store (yes, the Trenton 'terminal' is a variety store... the SAME store I arrived at in 1985 on my way to Boot Camp) and ask a random guy if there is a YMCA/Mens Hostel in town. He turns to me and says as long as I don't take from him I could stay with him and his wife!

I know eh!
OMG!

Tell me this could ever happen in Toronto!

I have come to believe that part of why I am out here is to rediscover a lost hope in mankind. Sure there is kindness and generosity of spirit (and there ARE some whom I have been lucky to know) but, over-all I have become somewhat jaded in how I see people.

I have been burned one too many times in those I called friend.

So, Dennis and I walk home wherein he asks me to 'play along' and introduce me as his long-lost cousin. Er... what choice did I have?

I reluctantly agree and meet his wife Diana.
I also meet their litter of 8 purebred 6 week old Labrador's!!!
They are feckin adorable!
And smelly!!!

We've a fire and a few beers and all of a sudden its 3am!
Am offered a couch in their basement and sleep for 9 hours!
Must be the air.

Day 3 up next...
Read More...

The First Night...

I smoked a d00b at our tree this morning...

16 1/2hrs earlier...

5pm on Wednesday the 29th of June and I am on my way.

How quickly things change.

Plan was to quickly pickup some personal papers at was once my storage locker, then continue on my way. Things being what they are though, and, well... the family photo albums were also there! (Thank-you Public Storage!!! Even IF your prices are outrageous)

At ANY rate... what to do with the pics? I can't very well carry them with me! A friend comes to the rescue and agrees to hold on to the boxes of pics until such time plans can be made for the kids Grandmother to take them. Thanks!

A tour is in order, and I visit the family house, my home of the past 6yrs, a couple of old haunts and I wind up in Centennial Park. I know immediately what I want/need to do. After spending a few hours in 'our park' Monday afternoon, tonight, I decide to spend the night by our tree.

A d00b, couple can of Coke and a BK Chicken-Sandwich Combo (again, thanks!!!), I walk over to our tree. Been a while since I've been there. Probably the same for you as well. I've the pics from your tattoo day still on my phone, and I spend time fondly thinking of all the good times we shared together.

Sure enough I'm on this Journey of Me as a part of my growth, but, I also have to be honest with myself when I say that we need me to leave as well. This cycle will continue as long as I'm here and if its ripping you apart as much as it's killing me (and it can be plainly seen/felt), then, this too will be good for us.

I find my spot under the stars, fold myself into my sleeping bag and pass out. Other than camping, it's been a while (ok, decades) since I'd slept outside. Not since the days of Boot Camp in 1985!

OMG!

That makes me...

I know eh!

Though I didn't actually sleep much, I am alone with my thoughts. I find them comforting. I know now that I am 'doing the right thing'. There is no measure of success or failure to speak of. It's not about getting from here to there.

It's about Just Breathing...

I awoke at 9am (I know eh!), cleaned up the area (gotta be responsible right!), cleaned myself up and sat by our tree for a final word of goodbye. I sparked that d00b I spoke of earlier... and thought of us.

Was a hard time that.

With a kind word and a kiss goodbye, I am again on my way.

Not 200ft later I hear a 'do you work with the carnival?'

It is a woman in her mid 50's resting from a bike ride. Paula is sitting by some tree's enjoying a rest. We engage in random conversation that goes on for 1/2hr. Topics include her Father, having written his memoirs of his experiences in a Belgium Concentration Camp, and whether she should publish them as he passed years ago. We spoke of randomness and serendipity, of aging and dating, of happiness and meditation... of balance and just what the heck I was doing there at this time of the day!

What I took from that exchange were words that Paula was hoping to get her head around and publish that book. 'Keep going' she said...

A feeling of peace washed over me when I realized this was no chance meeting.

With her promise to publish that book, and to read my blog about our encounter, I offer a hand and a warm goodbye and again, put one foot in front of another...

I hit Timmy's (duh) for a coffee and a breakfast sandwich (yes, on a Tea Biscuit), and enjoy same with a post meal smoke.

I head down the West Mall and find myself in my old haunt. I spend time at our pine-cone bench. There is something about that area as not only does that bench hold special significance, but I was married in the old house there, Applewood. Perhaps it is an area of love for me.

Off with the shirt, and I tan for 90mins. Was simply... bliss.

I buy a freezie (a blue one)!!!

And find myself here, at the local library.

About to wander aimlessly downtown for a bit, then grab the 6:30 Greyhound out of the Bay Bus Terminal.

So ends Day 1
Read More...

It is time...

Is outta here... Read More...

One

... Read More...

Two

Read More...

I hope you die...

I was told that today. Told that by someone whom I believed to be my best friend. It crushed me because it came out of left field (as things with her usually do). My love for you goes without saying... and 40mins later I am wished dead. Can someone, anyone... please explain this to me? Because I'm having a really hard time with this...

Goodbye My Love... sure it won't be long before you get your wish.
Though, I wish you and yours nothing but the best, as always.

...

On other issues... four days to go. Read More...

... Eight

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888... Eight. Read More...

Nine...

Read More...

10...

Read More...

Ya, thanks a lot Vancouver!

A pox on those who claim to be hockey fans, and what they did to the City of Vancouver last night, after their team stunk out their home rink in losing to the Boston Bruins in Game 7. Shutout on home ice in the Stanley Cup finale!

And what did these so-called fans do about it?

They rioted.

And the response?

The Premier promises to expose those reponsible to the general public.

The Police Chief has blamed the riot on a few 'hooligans' and 'anarchists', despite overwhelming evidence that litterally thousands were involved. The Globe & Mail attempts to dispel this myth with an interesting piece.

The riot dominates local coverage.

There is the (now) famous picture of the couple making out in the middle of the street while a large crowd and police are about to face-off (see below).

There are the inevitable Facebook Groups and Pages, of which one have pledged to assist the police in anyway they can. They also pledge to organize a cleanup crew (of which Vancouverites have already begun doing).

And the World laughs.

You have all tarnished our good name.

A pox on all of you!

The promised picture of the couple making out.

Read More...

Congrats!!!

Congrats to the Boston Bruins, winner of the Stanley Cup after shutting out the Vancouver Canucks in Game 7!

Now, for the hockey withdrawal until October. Read More...

And this is my Surprise Face...

 
Apparently women will engage in casual sex when they expect to be satisfied.

Ya, says so right here.

In other news, men like sex. Read More...

Cold was my soul...

Goodbye My Love

Lead to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A "V" of black swans
On with hope to the grave
And though Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your lowliness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key...

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission
None better

Nymphetamine
Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine
Nymphetamine girl.
Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine
My Nymphetamine girl.

Wracked with your charm
I'm circled like prey
Back in the forest
Were whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt...
(Keeping Sodom at at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their mesmeric away
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the bind of your holiness
I could always find the right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission
None better...
Nymphetamine
sunsetter
nymphetemine
nympheta, nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.
Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

Read More...

Got a st00pid question?

Here are the answers.

Read More...

It just had to be done...

The difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up is sacrificing what was rightfully yours, letting go is forgetting what was never yours.



Yeah, it's over now
But I can breathe somehow
When it's all worn out
I'd rather go without

You know its been on my mind
Could you stand right there
Look me straight in the eye and say
That it's over now

We pay our debt sometime

Well it's over now
Yet I can see somehow
When its all gone wrong
It's hard to be so strong

You know its been on my mind
Could you stand right there
Look me straight in the eye and say
That it's over now

We pay our debt sometime
We pay our debt sometime
We pay our debt sometime
We pay our debt sometime

Guess it's over now
I seem alive somehow
When it's out of sight
Just wait and do your time

You know its been on my mind
Could I stand right here
Look myself in the eye and say
That it's over now

We pay our debt sometime
Yeah, we pay our debt sometime
We pay our debt sometime
We pay our debt sometime Read More...

I have it within me...

What was needed was done.
Probably the hardest of goodbye's I'd ever uttered.

Day 1 begins now...

I only hope I have it in me to keep it going. Read More...

Un-frosted flakes...

"People so seldom say I love you and then it's either too late or love goes. So when I tell you I Love You, it doesn't mean I know you'll never go, only that I wish you didn't have to."

World English Dictionary defines 'flake' as an eccentric, crazy, or unreliable person. Whereas Urban Dictionary.com defines it as 'A useless, shady, deceitful person who is so unreliable and selfish they cause you much anger and frustration. A Flake's only agenda is what they want to do. They have a weak character, often the products of bad parenting/spoiling kids. A Flake will make plans, never attend, and give no reason for their absence, even after they spent hours calling, texting, or emailing you. Flakes try to manipulate everybody, and sometimes are not the idiots they appear to be. A Flake often has little to no real friends due to their erratic behavior. You can never rely on a Flake. When questioned about their behavior, a Flake just gives up on the relationship and moves on to another person. Flakes can't get by in the real world and often act immature beyond their years, causing them to be labeled as "useless" human beings.'

An example would be;

This girl called 15 times in one day and we decided to go out that night with some other friends. She arrives at the our meeting point, walks right by me like she doesn't know me, sits down with somebody else, and then proceeds to leave with them. Then, she stops answering her phone even though I know she sees my calls. A week or so later, she calls me again because she has nobody else to hang out with and wants to do something. However, she avoided all my phone calls for a week. Then she got mad when I confronted her about it. That's when I understood why people used to tell me she was "a useless flake" who still lives at home with her parents. When she was mentioned in a conversation someone always used the word "flake" in there somewhere.

Or how about something a little more personal;

We'd spent the entire weekend together. On the Sunday she says she's gonna drop by her friends place, but not for long, no more than 90mins or so. Course, 2hrs goes by and a txt is sent saying I'm on my way, cya soon. Shortly thereafter one is received saying no, not yet, that more time was needed. As she describes this friend as her cross-dressing-faggot-loser-friend-don't call me Roy call me Ang, I get a little suspicious. I never hear from her again that night. Ignores my calls, no response to my txt's. A txt is received the next morning saying she is stopping by on her way to work to grab her things...

The road was hard, the road was long. The struggle has always been how to reconcile our time together against our time apart.

In the end, in giving her one last opportunity she didn't surprise me in the least. And now I know with absolute certainty what a flake really is.

And that lesson I'll be carrying with me the remainder of my days.

'It was always mine anyways.'

Doesn't make this any less painful...

Sit down, take a look at yourself
Don't you want to be somebody
Someday somebody's gonna see inside
You have to face up, you can't run and hide...

Will you though?
Can you?

No, I finally accept that you cannot and that you are truly a lost soul.

I weep for your soul...

Read More...

Done!

With the countdown now less than 20 days, I've been 'sorting' thru sh*t. This weekend passed was probably the hardest of all. I'm glad it's over with now, and can finally be at peace.

Even if, as it now looks, we will never speak again.

Goodbye, My Love. xx Read More...

:)

And so it is. Read More...

...

Not all wanderers are lost.
:) Read More...

She's my friend ociffer...

CP24 has reported that the OPP have charged a man driving in the HOV lanes with a blowup doll as his ride-along.

Ya, and, what is he doing with a blowup doll as his companion? Read More...

Simply because...

I love you and because I love you I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies. Read More...

For you...

This poem is for you, and is, incredibly, written by someone with your name.

The Pain Shows
When I look into your eyes,
I see the pain you try to hide.
You try to be tough,
But the pain shows
The hurting,
And the suffering that this is causing you
The pain shows
Although you act as if nothing is wrong,
The pain shows
You try to be brave
But the pain shows
You try to hide the tears
But the pain shows
Who knew looking into your eyes would reveal so much pain
No matter how hard you try, you cannot hide it from me.
And I weep for you... My Love. Read More...

Eyes left...

Notice the revised countdown... Read More...

She taught me how to dance...

Though the river flows
Gently to the sea
He was on the shore
Rooted like a tree
...
Though not anymore...
And for that I Will Always Love You.

Even if we never speak again...

Read More...

Always... NO MATTER WHAT

It's funny, but, as time goes on (nearing 2yrs now), a call/txt will go out to the other and we each will be there. It matters not the time of day/night, where you/I are, How long it's been since we've spoken... we each are there for the other.

There is random and then there is serendipity... fate... destiny.

Ask My Love, and I am there for you.

We simply need each other.

And what you ask of me;
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
As always...

Maybe we should stop looking for a reason and begin accepting that we simply are.

All you did was save my life.
And all I ask of you is to Just Breathe...

Read More...

A swing and a...

Sometimes when we reach out for someone they shut us down.
Othertimes... worse. We're ignored and abandoned.
Sometimes however when we reach out for someone, they embrace us.
Sometimes who these people are surprise you.
And you will never, ever forget them for it.

Thank-you. Read More...

This one...

This one is all for you 'dad'.
I cannot even shed a tear for you. Read More...

Hey...

The B.S. Meter

 
I know we don't speak anymore, but, I just want to thank-you for helping me fine-tune my Bulls**t meter. Seems it's something I'll always need, unfortunately.

Love ya girl! Read More...

In my own way...

Like a bird on the wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free

Like a worm on a hook
Like a knight from some old fashioned book
I have saved all my ribbons for thee

If I, if I have been unkind
I hope that you can just let it go by
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you

Oh, like a baby, stillborn
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me

But I swear by this song
And by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee

I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch
He said to me, "You must not ask for so much"
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door
She cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"

Oh, like a bird on the wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free

Read More...

Time for a change.

Notice the new quote (over on the left there...);

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

I've found that the older I get the fewer people there are in my world.
I now know its simply because I've defined what it is that's important to me.
Not an easy thing to do.
When the kids came to live with me, I stopped dating. Didn't want to continually explain why so-so wasn't going to meet my kids. And there was no way I was gonna bring just anyone around (learned that lesson, thanks).
Now that doesn't matter anymore, Brad is 22 and Ali 19.

So, the past couple of years I began dating again.

WTF HAPPENED TO THE SCENE?

Is everyone crazy?

Are all women flakes?
Wrapped up in their self-imposed misery, unable to stand on their own two feet?

Seriously...

What's happened to people?

A reminder of the words of Jim Morrison;

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

and;

That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretense. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.

and;

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.

Have we forgotten what it is to be happy?
Are we content chasing 'things' and being compliant little consumers that we neglect that which is most important to us?
Do you not tire of trying to fit someone into a little box that will make everything just 'so'?

Remember that little racing of the heart... the I can't wait 'til they call feeling... that knowingness...

Find it.
Hold on to it.
Cherish it.
Remind your one of how special they are to you.

And never let them forget.

Perhaps one day, for me... Read More...

A storm front...

I've lived by the lake oh, 3 or 4 times now over the years.
And of the many reasons why, one is for the awesome storms over the lake.
The lightning is a sight to behold.
I sit here alone tonight, watching... thinking... wondering.

Lightning over water.

Read More...

'They' say... A Variation in Me Minor

They say every man bleeds just like me...

I doubt that.

So...
I've straight up and left your shit
Cause I'd had enough

And...
I'm a do things my way
It's my way
My way or the highway

And yet...
I am grateful. Read More...

the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The first full-length trailer of the hotly anticipated movie Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has leaked online.

Read More...

Grapes

Todays Toronto Star has an informative and thoughtful article on the life of Don Cherry.

"Love him or hate him — after all these years, there is still no middle ground — Cherry occupies a rarefied place in the pantheon of Canadian celebrity. The Stanley Cup Final begins this week and, once again, he will be cast into the national spotlight. He will hurl thunderbolts from the bully pulpit known as Coach’s Corner, polarizing an audience that’s expected to break records..."

Donald Stewart "Grapes" Cherry (commonly referred to as Don Cherry) (born February 5, 1934) is a Canadian ice hockey commentator for CBC Television. Cherry co-hosts the "Coach's Corner" intermission segment (with Ron MacLean) on the long-running Canadian sports program Hockey Night in Canada, and in addition recently joined ESPN in the United States as a commentator during the latter stages of the Stanley Cup playoffs. He is known for his outspoken manner, flamboyant dress, and staunch patriotism.

I still like and watch Grapes on Coach's Corner. I don't always agree with what he has to say, but, he always has something to say. I'm reminded of a quote by the late Jim Morrison;

I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable.
Donald S Cherry... outspoken man and Canadian icon. Read More...

Simply put...

Forgive someone today.

Is in awe of what forgiving someone can do for the soul. Read More...

Bruins/Canucks for the Cup

The Boston Bruins win an epic Game 7 and take the series 4-3 and now face the Vancouver Canucks for the Cup.

Schedule as follows;

Wednesday, June 1 at Vancouver, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS
Saturday, June 4 at Vancouver, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS
Monday, June 6 at Boston or Tampa Bay, 8 p.m. VERSUS, CBC, RDS
Wednesday, June 8 at Boston or Tampa Bay, 8 p.m. VERSUS, CBC, RDS
*Friday, June 10 at Vancouver, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS
*Monday, June 13 at Boston or Tampa Bay, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS
*Wednesday, June 15 at Vancouver, 8 p.m. NBC, CBC, RDS Read More...

Fox it up...

Canadian and actor Michael J Fox has received the Order of Canada.

In addition to the epic trilogy Back to the Future, I quite enjoyed him in The Frighteners, as well as his most recent role as Dennis Leary's nemesis in s6 of the HBO drama Rescue Me.

Well deserved. Read More...

The Great One at 50

I really didn't appreciate The Great One until after his retirement from professional hockey. He was always a Leaf killer and, lets not forget the fabled Kerry Fraser non-call against us in the Conference Finals in 1993 (see original CBC feed below).

In honour of Wayne Gretsky's recent 50th birthday, TSN.ca has compiled 50 Great Moments in celebration of his career.

Of all his records and accolades, for me, this one stands out most;

He has more assists than any other player in history has points - 1963.
Both video and images, it's well worth a look.

tmlfever.com has written up what it calls 99 Reasons Why Wayne Gretzky is "The Great One"

And here is that ()*&@#())(&$@#&*( high-stick on Doug Gilmour...

Read More...

Yes/No... maybe.

The Toronto Star reports of a Supreme Court decision that a woman must be conscious in order to grant consent to sex.

...

Um... duh? Read More...

Beer eh...

Changes to Ontario's prudish liquor laws come into effect Jun 01... yup, next week, just in time for patio/party season.

Changes include;

* People can walk around freely with drinks at festivals and events, instead of being restricted to a beer tent
* Restaurant and bar servers can carry drinks on public sidewalks to licensed areas such as patios
* Special events such as weddings or charity fundraisers can serve alcohol for an extra hour until 2 a.m.
* All-inclusive vacation packages can now be sold
* Business owners can give a complimentary drink to customers to celebrate a special occasion (a wedding anniversary, for example)

Woot! Read More...

Will you trust Google with your money?

The Huffington Post has a slideshow on Google's new product the Google Wallet, entitled Things You Need To Know About Google's Newest Product.

The Wallet, an app for smartphones, will use Near Field Communication (NFC) technology so that users can pay just by waving their phones over a terminal when they pay. At the same time, Google will continue rolling out Google Offers, which offers users a way to find and use coupons.

I foresee only trouble. Read More...

Bishop e5 check

Prime Minister Stephen Harper, fresh off his majority win in the recent Federal election announced the other day his governments intention to move ahead with the scrapping of the controversial $2 buck a vote political party vote subsidy.



“Political parties need to take some responsibility in raising their own money,” Harper said...

The controversial per-vote subsidy was first introduced by former PM Jean Chrétien in 2004. A move in response to (at the time) new limits placed on political party contributions (aka - vote buying).

The Tories have long had an issue with the subsidy and as a party strong in grass-roots fundraising (as opposed to the Liberals, who rely heavily on Corporate donations and such), they are moving swiftly on this issue, confirmed recently by Federal Finance Minister Jim Flaherty.

Should be interesting. Read More...

Weight quietly retires.

I see that Doug Weight has retired.

At 40yrs old and after a (near) 20yr career in the NHL, the New York Islander's Captain has called it a career, taking a management position with the Islanders, the 6th team he'd played for.

Always liked Weight... Read More...

The Perfect Date?

Men's Health Magazine has posted an article entitled 20 Simple Tips for the Perfect Date.

And without further ado;

1. It's okay to suggest a drink instead of dinner for a first date. She dreads a boring four-course ordeal, too.

2. Call her by early evening on Monday to confirm a Tuesday get-together. (Weekends aren't for first dates.)

3. Leave your home and work numbers. No home number and she'll assume you have a wife or girlfriend.

4. If you want to keep the plans a surprise, at least clue her in as to what to wear. You do not want an overdressed, overstressed woman navigating the Talladega pits in high heels

5. Yes, she'll notice if the date location you've chosen is conveniently around the block from your place.

6. Don't assume that just because you're out with a beautiful woman, she knows how pretty she looks -- she wants to hear it from you.

7. Ask if she's too cold or too warm, and if changing the temperature is in your power, fix it.

8. Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them; women judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them. White teeth, fresh breath, and unchapped lips make her more apt to pucker up.

9. Do not ask her, "So, what kind of music do you like?" The last 25 guys asked that. Be original.

10. She loves when you insist on ordering dessert. Sharing = extra sexy.

11. Tip well: Grab the check, mentally divide the bill by 10, double that number, and throw down the tip. Do it quickly but casually. Believe me, she'll be watching.

12. If she touches your arm, she's interested; if she touches your leg, she's interested tonight.

13. When in doubt, hold her hand.

14. Very small protective gestures go a long way and show her you're a gentleman: Offer your arm as she's stepping from a curb, direct her away from shards of broken glass aka Say Anything. She'll notice if you wait until she's safely in her car or house before you leave. Wait the extra 90 seconds, and next time you might be going in with her.

15. She expects you to know her eye color after the first date.

16. Women need momentum -- without it, they lose interest or wonder if you have. Momentum = a minimum of one date a week, plus a couple of phone calls in between.

17. She knows that when you invite her over for a homemade meal or to watch a movie, it's code for "tonight is hook-up night." Don't play this card any earlier than date three.

18. A Friday or Saturday night is required by date four. Otherwise, she'll wonder who else you're seeing.

19. Rule of Groping: If anything happens that couldn't be shown on prime-time TV, call her the next day. Otherwise, she'll feel cheap and used.

20. Don't say, "I'll call you," if you have no intention to. She'd prefer that you say nothing at all. Read More...

Astrology... an alternative view.

ARIES
(March 2 - April 20)
You are the pioneer and hold most of people in contempt. You are quick tempered and impatient and scornful of Advice. You are a prick.

TAURUS
(April 21 - May 21)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a Goddamn Communist.

GEMINI
(May 22 - June 21)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bas'tard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER
(June 22 - July 23)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other peoples' problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and never be worth shit.

LEO
(July 24 - August 23)
You consider yourself a born leader, Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting, Leo people are thriving bas'tards and kiss mirrors a lot.

VIRGO
(August 24 - September 23)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA
(September 24 - October 23)
You are the artistic type, and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent, because most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of AIDS or some other venereal disease.

SCORPIO
(October 24 - November 22)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect Son of a Bitch. Most Scorpio's are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS
(November 23 - December 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck because you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you because you are always getting f00ked.

CAPRICORN
(December 22 -January 20)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken sheet. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

AQUARIUS
(January 21 - February 19)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined toward progressiveness. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fecking jerk.

PISCES
(February 20 - March 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think that you are being followed by the F.B.I. or the C.I.A. You have a minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pieces people screw small animals and pick their nose a lot. Read More...

Quelle surprise!

I'd posted earlier on what is traditionally known as the Femme-Fatale.
Today I read that women prefer men with the 'bad-boy' look...

Mickey Rourke

By a wide margin, women really do find bad boys more attractive than their kind and happy counterparts, a new University of British Columbia study says.

Ya, turns out it's all about the **** after-all... Read More...

Arf she said...

Listening to Frank Zappa (and his Mothers of Invention) for the 100,000,001'st time...

Evelyn, a modified dog

Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
Draped across the piano, with some surprise

In the darkened room
Where the chairs dismayed
And the horrible curtains
Muffled the rain
She could hardly believe her eyes

A curious breeze
A garlic breath
Which sounded like a snore
Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom

Evelyn, a dog, having undergone
Further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance
And other highly ambient domains...

Arf she said Read More...

Today's historic space walk...

Live coverage of space shuttle Endeavour's STS-134 forth and final spacewalk can be seen here and here.

Mission: STS-134
Payload: AMS
Launch: May 16, 2011
Time: 8:56 a.m. EDT
Site: Pad 39A, Kennedy Space Center
Landing: June 1 @ approx. 2:32 a.m. EDT
Site: KSC's Shuttle Landing Facility Read More...

It's a beautiful thing...

Stephen Hawking said;
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.

Latest 3-D Image of the known universe

Isn't it a beautiful thing? Read More...

ahHA!!!

Live footage of the Bin Laden burial at sea leaked.

See if you can spot the reason why he was buried at sea...

Read More...

And so, it has...

I've tried to mend
The love that ended
Long ago although we still pretend
Our love is surely coming to an end
Don't waste the time you've got to love again

We tried to lie
But you and I
Know better than to let each other lie
The thought of lying to you makes me cry
Counting up the time that's passed us by

I've sent this letter hoping it will reach your hand
And if it does I hope that you will understand

That I must leave in a while
And though I smile
You know the smile is only there to hide
What I'm really feeling deep inside
Just a face where I can hang my pride

Goodbye...
Goodbye...

We'll talk of places that we went
And times that we have spent
Together penniless and free

You'll see the day another way
And wake up with the sunshine
pouring right down where you lay

You'll love again I don't know when
But if you do I know that
you'll be happy in the end

Read More...

She's all that...

(Light it up)

We've been a little more than just friends
And in most cases, that's just where it ends
But I took the time to stoke up your flame
Can I get a witness to back up my claim
Now I'm standing so close to your fire
If I say that I quit ya, you can call me a liar

Now, we've been a little more than just friends
And where we go now, I guess that depends
If I get myself caught up in your scene
Black hair, black coffee, and hard nicotine

I can't sleep, I can't eat
Need you t' hold my hand
So I can cross the street

Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Sugar in my coffee, oh yeah
Makes me mean
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
I'm her silver dollar
She's my slot machine
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, well I call her -
She's my Nicotine

Now, we've been a little more than just friends
And where we go now, I guess that depends

Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Sugar in my coffee, oh yeah
Makes me mean
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
She's my V8 motor
I'm her gasoline
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
I'm her silver dollar
She's my slot machine
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, she's all that
Oh yeah, well I call her -
She's my Nicotine

Read More...

Apparently...

Men think about things other than sex!

Who knew? Read More...

I beg your pardon?

Allow me to set the scene...

It's Sunday, 'round dinner time.
In a local (and smallish) grocery store picking up a few things.
At the checkout now.
There is a couple at the head of the line.
'She' has just finished picking out a chocolate bar (I guess as a desert to go along with the dinner they're obviously making).
Now, he's up for a pick.

And... roll 'em.

As he's reaching for a Skor (well done buddy... my personal fav), arms akimbo, the woman pipes up with "ha, he's always had a hard time making a decision" (or something to that affect.
With a head toss, and a chuckle, as if she were being funny, at his expense.
The guy was not impressed.
And from what I saw, neither were anyone else in the line, nor was the cashier.
Who, in fact, came to his defense.
He tells the woman that was a sexist comment (attempting to use the fact he's a man, which means indecisive [according to her]), and, that he felt she was making light of this 'fact'... in public, for her amusement.
She is clearly not getting it, and is becoming both embarrassed (that this man, is calling her on her s**t in public?) and, defensive.
He lets it slide (what I hope is), for now.

I see this as no different than if it were him making a comment about her being indecisive simply because of her ample breasts... and then making light of it, in public!

Ya, see what I'm saying?




So then is the above comment sexist or ignorant?

Or both?

What say you... Read More...

Twit alert!

Either I just faced one of the 'well-known' Twitter on Facebook account hack attempts (notice I use attempt and not attack), or... Facebook software detected the sheer number of tweets made in a relatively short period of time, and said... HEy!

Still didn't click no link!

Duh! Read More...

Still a twit...

Still getting a 'feel' for Twitter...

Just felt like... I dunno... ranting/rambling 2nite... with the game on... listening to Bob Cole again. Read More...

I'm what? Do what? To who? Where?

Psychology Today has a number of interesting tests that you could take a look at, and, even do one or two, should you be so inclined... and are up for a little insight on yourself. Read More...

Hmmm...

* Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground silly, it is a valuable plant.
* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Life is sexually transmitted.
* An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
* Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* All of us could take a lesson from the weather: it pays no attention to criticism.
* Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
* In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
* How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
* People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
* When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. "Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
* When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
* When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the ceiling?
* People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, didja there buddy?
* When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
* When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over. Read More...

Wierd Facts...

Over on the Wastebook Note, I'm encouraging those to prove/disprove any of the following and I'll edit where appropriate.

Could be fun.




* Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
* The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickle the company once had.
* A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
* Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself.
* The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
* The dot over the letter 'i' is called a "tittle."
* A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
* Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller. (snopes says...) Thanks Dave
* A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
* A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
* A 2x4 actually measures 1-1/2 x 3-1/2
* 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
* Every person has a unique tongue print.
* The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino.
* 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
* During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.
* On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
* John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.
* Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
* Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate effects a dogs heart and nervous system, a few ounces enough to kill a small sized dog.
* Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.
* Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
* Most lipstick contains fish scales.
* Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
* Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
* Dr. Seuss actually pronounced Seuss such that it sounded like Sue-ice.
* Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
* Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
* During the California Gold Rush of 1849 miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years it was deemed more feasible to send the shirts to Hawaii for servicing.
* American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
* Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
* The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
* Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and lower, because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
* There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
* There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
* The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.
* The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before!
* The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
* There are four cars and eleven light posts on the back of a $10 dollar bill.
* Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors, also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
* If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
* Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
* If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
* The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA'
* The mask used by Michael Myers in the original Halloween was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
* The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!
* The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
* The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
* Roses MAY Be red, but violets ARE, indeed, violet.
* By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
* Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo.
* Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
* Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
* In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered.
* Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
* Sherlock Holmes NEVER said Elementary, my dear Watson.
* An old law in Bellingham, Wash., made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
* Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokesmodel.
* The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
* Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
* Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
* Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.
* Bats always turn left when exiting a cave! Read More...

True or False

* Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
* Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
* A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
* People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
* When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
* Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
* Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
* Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
* The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
* The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
* The average housefly lives for one month.
* 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
* A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
* The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
* Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
* Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
* The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
* The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
* John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
* Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
* In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
* Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash. Read More...

Things you should've learned by middle age...

* If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
* Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
* Going to church/synagogue/mosque doesn't make you religious any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
* It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
* Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
* My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
* Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
* It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
* If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
* A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
* Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
* No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
* A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
* Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
* Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
* By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
* Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
* Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. Read More...

Insurance claim excuses...

The accident was due to the other man narrowly missing me.
The lorry driver halted and worked for the corporation.
I collided with a stationary tramcar coming in the other direction.
The occupants were stalking deer on the hillside.
I left my Austin Seven outside, and when I came out later, to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.
To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
There were plenty of lookers on, but no witnesses.
The water from my radiator accidentally froze at twelve midnight.
The accident was due to an invisible lorry narrowly missing me.
I was scraping my nearside on the bank when the accident occurred.
After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a witness in my favour.
I collided with a stationary tree.
There was no damage to the car as the gate post will testify.
The accident was due to the road bending.
The witness gave his occupation as a gentleman but it would be more correct in calling him a garage proprietor.
The other man altered his mind and I had to run over him.
I told the other idiot what he was and went on.
One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the accellerator pedal, leapt across the lane to the other side and jammed in the trunk of a tree.
I remember nothing after passing the Crown Hotel until I came to and saw P.C. Brown.
A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
A bull was standing near-by and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, it would not have happened.
She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we collided.
I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.
I ran into the shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.
I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
I heard a horn blow and was violently struck in the back - a lady was evidently trying to pass me.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.
Three women were talking to each other, and when one stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.
I can give no details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.
Wilful damage was done to the upholstery by rats.
A pedestrian hit me and went underneath my car.
I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.
I thought the garage had only four posts, but my car bumped into a fifth.
I was overhauling the car when it was stolen.
A lamp-post bumped into my car, damaging it in two places.
The car in front of me stopped suddenly and I crashed gently into his luggage grid.
I left my car unattended for a minute and whether by accident or design it ran away.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intentions.
I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital much regretting the circumstances.
I thought the side window was down but it was up as I found out when I put my head through it.
I consider neither vehicle to blame, but if either was to blame it was the other one.
I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault and had been knocked over before.
I looked for the sign but the more I looked the more I couldn't find it.
By the way, I believe if I had lost my head the accident could have been worse.
I was knocked out as a result of the collision and was taken to hospital where I sustained serious injuries.
The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.
A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.
The bloke was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In attempting to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing my to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police I was not injured but upon removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea in which direction to run, so I ran over him.
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road and was later found in a ditch by some stray boys.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
Leaving home for work I drove out of my drive straight into a bus; the bus was five minutes early.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel. Read More...

100 reasons on...

Why it's great being a Guy;

Reason 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Reason 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
Reason 3. You know stuff about tanks.
Reason 4. A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Reason 5. Monday Night Football
Reason 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
Reason 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
Reason 8. You can open all your own jars.
Reason 9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight.
Reason 10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.
Reason 11. When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
Reason 12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Reason 13. All your orgasms are real.
Reason 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Reason 15. Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.
Reason 16. You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
Reason 17. You understand why “Stripes” is funny.
Reason 18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Reason 19. Your last name stays put.
Reason 20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
Reason 21. When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
Reason 22. You can kill your own food.
Reason 23. The garage is all yours.
Reason 24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Reason 25. You see the humour in “Terms of Endearment”.
Reason 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Reason 27. You never have to clean the toilet.
Reason 28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Reason 29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Reason 30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Reason 31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Reason 32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
Reason 33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
Reason 34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
Reason 35. You don’t have to shave below the neck.
Reason 36. You don’t have to curl up to a hairy ass every night.
Reason 37. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
Reason 38. You can write your name in the snow.
Reason 39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Reason 40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
Reason 41. Chocolate is just another snack.
Reason 42. You can be president.
Reason 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Reason 44. Flowers fix everything.
Reason 45. You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
Reason 46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
Reason 47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Reason 48. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Reason 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
Reason 50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
Reason 51. Foreplay is optional.
Reason 52. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
Reason 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
Reason 54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Reason 55. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Reason 56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Reason 57. Car mechanics tell the truth.
Reason 58. You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Reason 59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking “he must be mad at me”.
Reason 60. The world is your urinal.
Reason 61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
Reason 62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Reason 63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Reason 64. One mood, all the time.
Reason 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
Reason 66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too skeevy.
Reason 67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
Reason 68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Reason 69. Same work, more pay.
Reason 70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Reason 71. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Reason 72. Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100.
Reason 73. You don’t care if someone is talking behind your back.
Reason 74. With 400 million sperm per shot you could double the earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
Reason 75. You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
Reason 76. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
Reason 77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
Reason 78. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to them.
Reason 79. ESPN’s sports centre.
Reason 80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Reason 81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
Reason 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
Reason 83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
Reason 84. You needn’t pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
Reason 85. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed.
Reason 86. Someday you will be a dirty old man.
Reason 87. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase “Fuck it”.
Reason 88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
Reason 89. Princess Di’s death was almost just another obituary.
Reason 90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Reason 91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you are not in the mood.
Reason 92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
Reason 93. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
Reason 94. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Reason 95. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Reason 96. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
Reason 97. Not liking a person doesn’t preclude having great sex with them.
Reason 98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So … notice anything different?”
Reason 99. Baywatch.
Reason 100. There is always a game on somewhere. Read More...