Ya... but

Robin Williams
July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014

Actor/Comedian Robin Williams took his own life yesterday.

He was but 63 years of age.

He won Emmys, Grammys and an Academy Award.

He had family, children and friends.

He also had money.

Some would say he seemingly had it 'all.'

They would be wrong.

It's been said (and ego aside - and, it IS aside), but, the more intelligent one is the less happy one is. Further... the more alone you are. Read up on it here and here.

It's sad but the vast majority of people are ignorant about mental health issues. Scary given recent 'studies' have shown that a staggering 1in4 people suffer from a mental illness.

A blog posting published today at the guardian is both insightful and disturbing.

It comes out hitting in saying "...to say taking your own life because of such an illness is a ‘selfish’ act does nothing but insult the deceased, potentially cause more harm and reveal a staggering ignorance of mental health problems."

Indeed.

One of Williams more oft used quotes is...

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.
I can totally relate to those words.

A buddy of mine said the following...

I'm having problems with Robin Williams death, for me , it's because it makes sense. I can't say I agree with what he did, but I understand how he got there.
"...but I understand how he got there."

I do indeed.

My second 'attempt' at suicide was at the age of 6.
Yes, you read that right.

'Tried' once, and the idea of suicide is with you every single day.

Every... single... day.

Oh I'm not saying I want to kill myself every minute. But the idea is always there... in the back of one's mind.

And at the age of 51yrs I can't see that changing any time soon.

Twice in my life I'd been hit with what's referred to as a Major Depressive Disorder. Basically... clinically depressed. Namely... characterized by a pervasive and persistent low mood that is accompanied by low self-esteem and by a loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.

Being adopted (twice) added to the sense of 'not measuring up'... of being 'inadequate.' It is (and has been) a life-long challenge of mine.

Wasn't that long ago that I was fortunate in having a close friend who just 'happened along' when I needed someone. He begged me to check myself in to a crisis unit... and that is exactly what I did. For 13 days I was an in-patient at a local hospital.

Why?

I am in constant physical pain. Not a little ache here and there. Pain at the point where you don't have the energy to get out of bed. That kind of pain. Add to the fact I hadn't been sleeping and... well.

I'm now under the care of a pain specialist, and have my CPAP back... so pain is being 'managed' (and that's really all I can expect), and... I'm sleeping. These two 'small' things have made the difference in my world. Things don't seem unbearable/hopeless any more.

If you know of someone who suffers (in silence or otherwise) reach out to them. Let them know they are not along.

If you feel as if you are at your wits end... if you feel lost, hopeless... alone... suicide is NOT the answer. It's not any answer. Make a call to a family member, a friend... a crisis line in your area... just don't think that it'll all be ok when you're dead.

It's never ok.

I'll leave you with these...

Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don't kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, "He fought so hard." And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong. ― Sally Brampton, Shoot The Damn Dog: A Memoir Of Depression

Hide in your shell cos the world is out to bleed you for a ride
What will you gain making your life a little longer?
Heaven or Hell, was the journey cold that gave your eyes of steel?
Shelter behind painting your mind and playing joker
Hide in Your Shell - Supertramp

Read More...

4:03am...

Gene Wilder Wisdom

After deciding that I was no longer going to waste my time attempting to fall asleep and pull my ass out of bed... I took a 3-block hike on Queen to the local 24/7 Convenience Store. Sam's maybe? At any rate... a walk along Queen at 04:00 always leads to some new observation. Characters abound Queen and Roncy at this hour.

I greeted each with a hearty "'morning."

And in return I got a strong "Good Morning" (on the way to the store) and a slurred Top o' the day to ya (on the way back.)

As on my way ba-ack... I saw, there in the distance... the Golden Arch's of Mickey Dee's.

How could I not? Even after having breakfaster/dinner the call of the Sausage McMuffin (no egg) (x2) and hash-browns (x2) with a medium 2x milk / 3x sugar, stirred please... was one I could not ignore.

And so in I strode (at the above time) and was greeted again with the night-life that is Queen and Roncy.

It is, after-all, the first time I've lived anywhere East of the Humber.
So almost each day there is a sense of new-ness about the area for me.
Well duh...
My Mickey Dee breakfast is just that, my preferred choice of morning intake.

I am though, generally... left alone.

More so at this hour, but, ya... it's comforting (finally) to be at peace with who I am.

I am Me... after-all.
So no, I did not bring my newest staff (perfectly balanced though it is.

Finish my 1st breakfast of the day, walk home (carry delicious coffee), get home, finish off d00b from earlier, have smoke (gaaaa) and finish delicious coffee.

Nap time?

Ya... ri-ight... Read More...

Smoking... (Part 364)

The Evil Tobacco

For a change... I bought coffee instead of tea.

Instant coffee mind you... but coffee nonetheless.

As a life long drinker of Red Rose Orange Pekoe, for me buying coffee was not an easy decision.
Tea needs to be in a porcelain or glass mug, and not a styrofoam or paper cup. This won't happen when you're out of the house. So I have coffee... Mickey Dee's over Timmy's... Timothy's over Mickey Dee's. Fortunately... all three are within walking distance of home.

Sooo... I'm sitting here, having finished a bagel (with sliced cheese), having my coffee, and smoking what is my one of my last cigarettes.
My 'plan' is to take to The Boardwalk this afternoon, burn this 1/2 d00b, and enjoy what I want to be my LAST cigarette.

Should the rain hold off, of course.

Having spent nearly a year in the wilds of Northern Alberta I can say that I was absolutely looking forward to a Toronto summer.

Hasn't happened yet.
One can 'hope', right?

Since the age of 13, smoking has always held a challenge for me. See, I differentiate between the act of smoking and 'smoking' itself. I can enjoy a cigarette, but I do not like smoking.

That's right, there is a difference.

You see it now, don't you?
You're welcome.

Over the years I have successfully quit. Though I'd started again... I have to admit that I wasn't entirely 'successful'... While I've always viewed stopping/quitting smoking as a relatively simple endeavour (notice I said simple... not easy), the challenge has been in not starting again.

There are just so many occasions where a cigarette compliments an event.
A good dinner...
Fine glass if wine...

Bacon.

A fine woman.
...
*cough*
:l

A great d00b and a double Wisers.

You get the idea.

And that is where I'm 'at' today.
...
The longest I've gone without a cigarette is a little over two years.
I was in my early 30's at the time.
It was shortly after my divorce.
I'd also stopped for 14 months in my mid-40's.
Course, I also decided I wasn't going to exercise, but that I'd eat my way to health instead.

That didn't exactly work out all too well.

:l

I said I'd wanted to finally eradicate this menace once and for all by the time I hit the age of 50.
I'm now a little past 51.

That too hasn't exactly worked out either.

BUT THIS TIME!!!

This time will be different.
Be gone with you evil tobacco!

Be gone with you!

Leave the d00bs though eh.

And the bacon... and the Wisers... well, you get the idea here too.

I want to succeed.

Finally.

All I can ask is that you wish me well.

As I wish you. Read More...

Have we gone too far... or not far enough?

Stand Alone.

In today's National Post, Rex Murphy writes an op-ed piece on how universities are failing our young, failing society really.

He goes on to suggest that universities have set up intellectual quarantines lest the immature and frightened be made uncomfortable or to feel unwelcome.

He questions whether universities are in fact schools or daycares.

And finishes off his paragraph with Giving into such adolescent whimpering is despicable; giving in to in on a university campus is unforgivable.

I find it hard to disagree with him.

The comments on the Post's Facebook page have fallen into name calling and accusations of Big Oil influencing Murphy.

I kid thee not.

Have we, as a people, really forgotten what it means to educate? What it means to disagree? Have we lost all respect for those simply because someone may have a different opinion that us?

How about this... are we now falling over backwards to avoid disagreement?
Or what about this... are we afraid of being labelled intolerant? Afraid of being called Islamaphobic?

That's right, the article is about how Brandeis University in Massachusetts had first offered an honourary degree to a world renown "advocate for women’s rights under Islam", Ayaan Hirsi Ali (full name: Ayaan Hirsi Magan Isse Guleid Ali Wai’ays Muhammad Ali Umar Osman Mahamud), then rescinded it after an outcry from the Council on American–Islamic Relations, a controversial organization that deals with Islamic advocacy issues.

Ms. Ali is a Somali-born American (formerly Dutch) women's rights and atheist activist, writer and politician who is known for her views critical of female genital mutilation and Islam.

"Hirsi Ali is the remarkable woman whose life story she has told in three books (Infidel, The Caged Virgin and Nomad). Born among the poorest of the poor in Somalia, genitally mutilated at the age of five, a refugee as a young woman fleeing an arranged marriage, she immigrated to the Netherlands and in but a few years, having learned the language, became a distinguished member of parliament."
In other words, this is a woman unafraid of those who would oppose her views on women's rights. Someone who deserves our support and admiration.

"Her friend Theo van Gogh, a locally famous filmmaker, made a short film (Submission) on Islam and women. Shortly after he was stabbed to death, murdered in a public street, and a note threatening Hirsi Ali was pinned — with a knife — to the dying man’s chest. It read in part: “Ayaan Hirsi Ali, you will break yourself to pieces on Islam.”"
You may remember that event, he was shot eight times by his killer, had his throat cut, almost decapitated with "a large knife, after which he stabbed the knife deep into Van Gogh's chest, reaching his spinal cord. He then attached a note to the body with a smaller knife. Van Gogh died on the spot. The two knives were left implanted. The note was addressed and contained a death threat to Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who was subsequently forced to go into hiding, threatened Western countries and Jews and also referred to the ideologies of the Egyptian organization Takfir wal-Hijra".

Yet still she refused to submit.

"In 2005, she was named by Time magazine as one of the 100 most influential people in the world. She has also received several awards, including a free speech award from the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten, the Swedish Liberal Party's Democracy Prize, and the Moral Courage Award for commitment to conflict resolution, ethics, and world citizenship. In 2006 she published a memoir. The English translation in 2007 is titled Infidel. As of 2013 Hirsi Ali is a fellow at the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University, a member of The Future of Diplomacy Project at the Belfer Center."

Someone with credentials... someone who knows what it means to live a life of inequality, a life of suppression.

But no, instead of 'standing up' to a little criticism the school of 'higher learning' caves.

All for one?

A few weeks back there someone made a remark that it was 'amazing' how we now have 2mm camera's on mosquito's. He was very serious, and despite my politely disagreeing with him, and pointing out that in fact, it was the manufactured bug itself that was being used by governments, he make 'upset' and was "offended." Yup, he was offended that I disagreed with him.

At that point I simply smiled at him and put my head back into the book I was reading, I knew there was no point. Didn't stop him though, nope. I was 'this and that', 'ignorant and unclean'(?). and on it went.

For weeks.
...
:l

And this typifies what our society has indeed come to. We shut-up lest we 'offend' someone. I miss the time of healthy debate, sitting around a kitchen table (remember those parties?) and yakking for hours on end, about anything and everything.

No more, now we must conform, hold the same ideas and ideals, the same goals... all for one and all for one. Stand up for what you believe in at your own risk.

Read the article, click those links. Educate yourself, your children (above all educate your children) to question everything and everyone.

Before it's too late... Read More...

It was 25yrs ago today...

No, this post isn't about Sgt. Pepper.

This post is about the birth of the World Wide Web.

Today marks the 25th anniversary of it's 'birth.' It has seen some changes over the years, but before I get there lets take a at The Man known as 'TimBL.'

Anyone know who this is?

TimBL

Though it was Al Gore who famously laid claim to having 'invented' the internet, it was actually "Sir Timothy John "Tim" Berners-Lee, OM, KBE, FRS, FREng, FRSA, DFBCS (born 8 June 1955), also known as "TimBL", a British computer scientist. He made a proposal for an information management system in March 1989, and he implemented the first successful communication between a Hypertext Transfer Protocol (HTTP) client and server via the Internet sometime around mid November."

I wonder if when he was coding what was then known as The Project he had any idea just how far reaching it's legacy would become. A look at the growth of what is (in some 'scenes') known as teh 'net, show's just how far it's come in what is a relatively short amount of time.

Source: VeriSign 2010

Here and here a couple of fantastic pages containing a number of stats and information on the first 25yrs.

And now... some random info;

* There are approximately 1,319,872,109 people on the Internet
* 78% of U.S. internet users are on Broadband
* It took the radio 38 years, the television 13 years, and the World Wide Web 4 years to reach 50 million users
* 80% of all emails sent are spam
* Domain names are being registered at a rate of more than one million names every month
* 80% of all pictures on the internet are of naked women
* In 2010 1 of every 8 married couples in the U.S. met online. Source
* 35.6% of internet users are Asian
* 1 billion users around the globe are surfing the Internet every month
* It is estimated that 18 countries still don’t have an Internet connection

Just take a look at what Google has to say about statistics and how they relate to teh 'net.

And now, let's take a look at the history and what was known as The Project... the first web page.

Personally, I started coding at age 15. My first job out of school (well, technically I hadn't graduated as yet) was running the payroll computer for Jetpower Credit Union, in Malton at the time. I was using email for work in the '80s. I built my first system in 1995, and to this day I am happily a tech nerd.
Only now I can make money at it.
:l
I simply cannot image a world that is not connected.

To that end, it's time I speak about what is (and will continue to) have a profound affect on teh 'net. And that is the erosion of privacy. Edward Snowden first brought Prism out of the shadows June 5, 2013. And that is simply the beginning. For years I'd been 'going on about' each and every digital phone call being tapped. For years I'd been going on about how easy it was to grab the signal from/to the satellites... and you thought me paranoid. Well, I've also always said paranoia comes from experience.

Finally... want to get involved?
Sign up at W3C, which develops interoperable technologies (specifications, guidelines, software, and tools) to lead the Web to its full potential. W3C is a forum for information, commerce, communication, and collective understanding. You'll find news, links to W3C technologies, help and ways to get involved. "Public participation is welcome."

Enjoy today, and celebrate what is now a connected world!

Greg Read More...

Ya, thanks a lot Vancouver!

A pox on those who claim to be hockey fans, and what they did to the City of Vancouver last night, after their team stunk out their home rink in losing to the Boston Bruins in Game 7. Shutout on home ice in the Stanley Cup finale!

And what did these so-called fans do about it?

They rioted.

And the response?

The Premier promises to expose those reponsible to the general public.

The Police Chief has blamed the riot on a few 'hooligans' and 'anarchists', despite overwhelming evidence that litterally thousands were involved. The Globe & Mail attempts to dispel this myth with an interesting piece.

The riot dominates local coverage.

There is the (now) famous picture of the couple making out in the middle of the street while a large crowd and police are about to face-off (see below).

There are the inevitable Facebook Groups and Pages, of which one have pledged to assist the police in anyway they can. They also pledge to organize a cleanup crew (of which Vancouverites have already begun doing).

And the World laughs.

You have all tarnished our good name.

A pox on all of you!

The promised picture of the couple making out.

Read More...

And this is my Surprise Face...

 
Apparently women will engage in casual sex when they expect to be satisfied.

Ya, says so right here.

In other news, men like sex. Read More...

Got a st00pid question?

Here are the answers.

Read More...

She's my friend ociffer...

CP24 has reported that the OPP have charged a man driving in the HOV lanes with a blowup doll as his ride-along.

Ya, and, what is he doing with a blowup doll as his companion? Read More...

Yes/No... maybe.

The Toronto Star reports of a Supreme Court decision that a woman must be conscious in order to grant consent to sex.

...

Um... duh? Read More...

Quelle surprise!

I'd posted earlier on what is traditionally known as the Femme-Fatale.
Today I read that women prefer men with the 'bad-boy' look...

Mickey Rourke

By a wide margin, women really do find bad boys more attractive than their kind and happy counterparts, a new University of British Columbia study says.

Ya, turns out it's all about the **** after-all... Read More...

Still a twit...

Still getting a 'feel' for Twitter...

Just felt like... I dunno... ranting/rambling 2nite... with the game on... listening to Bob Cole again. Read More...

WTF???

The Toronto Star is reporting that a Toronto couple have decided to raise their 3rd child gender-neutral.

“We've decided not to share Storm's sex for now — a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime (a more progressive place? ...).”

Er... excuse me, but, it may not be important to you what's between the legs, and you can choose to ignore it (them?) all you want, but, in the end, nature has already made the decision for you.

ARE YOU ON DRUGS?

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

The mother responds. Read More...

Abi-normal

Psychology Today has a fine online piece entitled What is Normal?.

The question of normality creates strange paradoxes in the consulting room. Often it is relatively healthy people who feel defective. In psychotherapy, patients may perseverate over vague complaints, feeling off-balance and out of sync. The worriers may believe that they have too much or, more often, too little ambition, desire, confidence, spontaneity, or sociability. Their keen social awareness (a strength), when tinctured with obsessionality, causes them to fuss over glitches in the self. For them, a sense of abnormality precedes any diagnosis and may persist even when none is proffered.

I take an interest in such as I consider myself far from what is considered to be 'normal'. I've posted recently on the very subject.

Well worth the read... both my post and the article.

Enjoy. Read More...

And yet...

It was suggested to me today that, in the long run, it is better to not trust people to begin with, and, in doing so I save myself from pain and hurt.

Dunno, but, I just can't do that. It would be like giving up on people and I'd like to think that there are enough good people in this world to turn things around.

The alternative is, of course, to simply roll over and play dead.

Um... no.

So, I give you one of the most beautiful songs ever made...



When you're weary; feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all
I'm on your side oh when times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

When you're down and out;
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
I'll take your part
Oh when darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on silvergirl;
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine.
Oh if you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind... Read More...

Ya... thanks a lot.

People are not only strange (which is just fine with me), some are just f00ked!!!

How can you turn around 4 months after the fact and say you're all paid up?
I'm not a f00kin rental unit!

JFC...

So, with thanks to a new/old friend, I was able to retrieve some of what was sold and not paid for. Seems the pohlice will have to be involved despite my best efforts.

And so i give you...



It's just one of those days
When ya don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked, everybody sucks.
You don't really know why
But you wanna justify rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away mother fucker!
It's just one of those days!

It's all about the he says she says bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
It's all about the he says she says bullshit
I think you better quit talkin' that shit

It's just one of those days
Feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain
Leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
You better watch your back
Cuz I'm fuckin' up your program
And if you're stuck up
You just lucked up
Next in line to get fucked up
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker!
It's just one of those days!

It's all about the he says she says bullshit.
I think you better quit lettin shit slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
It's all about the he says she says bullshit
I think you better quit talkin that shit, punk
So come and get it

I feel like shit
My suggestion is to keep your distance
Cuz right now I'm dangerous
We've all felt like shit
And been treated like shit
All those motherfuckers, that want to step up

I hope ya know
I pack a chainsaw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps going this way
I just might break something tonight

I pack a chainsaw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps going this way
I just might break something tonight

I pack a chainsaw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps going this way
I just might break your fuckin' face tonight

Give me something to break
Give me somthing to break
Just give me stuff to break
How 'bout your fuckin' face?

I hope you know I pack a chainsaw, what?
A chainsaw, what?, a mutherfuckin' chainsaw, what?
So come and get it

It's all about the he says she says bullshit.
I think you better quit lettin shit slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
It's all about the he says she says bullshit
I think you better quit talkin that shit
Punk, so come and get it Read More...

Hard-hitting humour...

I've always enjoyed Maher's work. I hold in high regard those who can stir things up and make others uncomfortable. With that said, you just have to watch how he totally trashes the right, and praises His Obamaness.

Enjoy!

Read More...

An A-Z of 2010

With thanks to the National Post's columnist Gary Clements, here's a pic (click for large view) of the year 2010 A-Z review, with a distinctly Canadian slant.

Read More...

It happens...

On my way home, I got on the wrong bus!
Hey, it happens, ok!

At ANY rate... the operator of route 50 offered a transfer and punched it in some super-secret way.

And sure enough, the operator of route 110 accepted it, and my story.

So, thanks to the TTC, and thanks to the operators!

Ya, they're people too! Read More...

Friday the 13th Part Two...

Hadn't been to Gretsky's nor had I been to Second City since its (now second) move to Blue Jays Way.
So, this Friday past (after an afternoon of BEER on a patio) I ventured out to see a friends friend on the main stage.
Was an absolute blast!
Made some new friends (thanks guys!)

Am working on an epic post about growing up in the city.
That's all I'll say for now. Read More...