And on that day...

Ali and I, April 2013

On my way West... I happened to run in to a princess.

Ya ya, you may be a woman now, but you'll always be a princess to me.

Dad xx Read More...

24 and there's so much more...

Brad and I in the pot yard

24 years ago today my world changed.

You see, as an adoptee I had never known anyone who was of my blood.
Until you were born.
My Son.

And neither of us have looked back.

I'd originally written a post wherein I lay out fatherly advice in the hopes you would understand where you are at.
Of course, who am I to tell you where you're at.
You know this already.

Instead, I will simply say that You are loved.
No matter what you say, no matter what you do... how you feel.
Deny it all you want, there is nothing you can do to change that.
You are My Son and You are loved.

There's a day that neither of us could ever forget.
You said to me that I was the nicest person you knew.
It brought tears to my eyes that day.
The thought of that day still does Son.

As for me... I'm still that person.
Perhaps more so.

On this, the anniversary of the day of your birth... I just want to wish you well in all that you do.
You may think otherwise, but, I do have faith that you will 'figure it all out.'

Perhaps you already have.
You just have to accept it.
As I have accepted you.

Oh you've given your best to deny it.
Thrown it in my face.
In the end, you cannot fool yourself.
You know exactly where you're at and what needs doing.
Of that I have no doubt.

I know I disappoint you.
You're not the first, believe me.
I am who I am and your approval is not needed.
I make my own path, just as you do.
No matter what anyone says/does.
For that... I am proud of you.
The absolute willingness to be who you are despite all odds.

Nothing can change who we are except ourselves.

Why would you want to?

One day you will understand and accept yourself.
And when you do... you will come (again) to accept Me as Your Father.

I've told you, I won't always give you what you want... but I WILL always give you what you need.
Even if you hate me for it.

Remember though... it is in the journey that we learn, that we grow... that we accept.

I wonder if you know how profound an affect you've had on my life Brad.
Not just because you are my Son, but because of who you are as a person.

I am heading out west in three days time.
I don't know when next we will meet.
But we will see each other again.
Know this.

And I cannot wait for that day My Son.

When the time comes... when you have accepted who you are, when you have accepted the journey that you are on, I will be there. As I always have. Every time you close your eyes... every time you look in the mirror... every smile, every tear... I am there with you. Always.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday My Son.
Enjoy your day.

Until we meet again...


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No jet plane here...

As I am readying for Tuesday I can't help but think back upon my time here in Pubnico.
Hitch-hiking halfway across Canada to see my first born.
Recalling the day I arrived...
Those first three weeks made it clear to me though, that I needed to stay.
And now I need to go.
In the morning, 21 months later to the day, I leave for Halifax.
Quite different than the last time I'd left.

Fresh off Cornwallis in the spring of 85.
And now... 28yrs later, considering heading out 'West.'
Again.
I leave here thinking of those who's lives have impacted mine.
Those I was able to say my goodbyes to... and those I could not.
I thank each and every one of you for being you.
I also can't help but think of the NICKNAME.
Though I understand the reason for them... each and every one of you have 'earned' yours... in one way or another.
The first night Brad took me to Richard Owls.
And from that night on... I began to 'earn' my nickname.
Johnny started it off with Dirty Hippy (tks buddy.)
From that... it became just Hippy.
Though it's not 'just' Hippy anymore... is it.
You've come to realize it isn't about The Hair.
I know now that in your eyes, I have earned my nickname.
I thank you for such an honour.
/me flashes a peace sign
:l
As I type this I have to say my time here has been life altering.
And really, that was the point to begin with.
...
The other day a friend said to me "you can take the man out of Pubnico but you can't take Pubnico out of the man."
I understand that now.
At some point I will 'drop by' again.
Perhaps I'll even have a Dirty Hippy... now being served at a Yarmouth Tea house.
If you think of me... remember, not all who wander are lost.
And though I leave here with an uncertainty on where and when I am 'going'... I know is that it is the journey itself that is the story.
And that it is I, who is the writer...

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I am who I am, your approval is not needed.

Got it?

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On getting old...

John Lennon

There is no denying when your age begins with a 5... you are old.

And so, acutely aware there are more days behind me than ahead, I post here some ramblings and mutterings on the eve of my turning 50.

- there is family and then there is everyone else
- my son and my daughter are THE most important people in my world
- ...if only they could accept that
- gone almost three years now, I miss My Mom
- having morals and ethics does not mean others do as well
- the world is not fair
- staying true to oneself can be exhausting at times
- religion is a delusion
- people are strange, interesting but strange
- most are liars
- women say they want a man but in reality they can only deal with boys
- self deception is a killer
- I will always love a good cup of tea and a cigarette in the morning
- sleep rules
- as does bacon :l
- many confuse volume with toughness
- most are cowards
- ABBA's Dancing Queen is still a good song
- your body really is affected by age
- women are beautiful creatures
- it's a shame most women aren't comfortable with that
- confronting something without being confrontational is possible
- you can have all the money you want, all the toys... but if you're not happy, nothing matters
- hand held devices were supposed to bring us closer together, instead they have simply widened the gap
- I have loved two women in my life... that is twice more than most
- neither of them can deal with that :l
- if you have one true friend consider yourself fortunate
- they can argue all they want, but in the end... women are just as horny as men
- and are just as devious for a piece of tail
- music and the written word make the world go 'round
- some people really don't deserve to live
- there are beautiful random moments in time every single day... you just have to notice them
- bringing laughter to a child's eyes is priceless
- your woman can be a thing of beauty, but if she's not a good person...
- when a man truly loves a woman, it is forever
- other women aren't happy with that
- people define themselves through their misery and suffering
- we should celebrate our similarities instead of pointing out our differences... in the end, we are all worm food
- a woman in knee-high boots will always get my blood pumping
- our world will not improve until we rid it of money and religion
- every man should have at least one hot-towel shave with a straight razor
- it is ok to say no
- preventing a hangover is simple
- curing one is easy. Eat bacon :l
- there's nothing like rough sex in the morning, bad breath and all :l
- the only person capable of understanding oneself is... you.
- it does not matter what others say/feel about you
- it still hurts though
- a harsh truth is preferable to a comfortable lie
- homophobes are uncomfortable with their own sexuality
- Chardonnay over Red
- Wisers over Crown
- Wendys over McDonalds
- Mr Sub over Subway
- Timothys over Timmys
- Swiss Chalet sucks
- Long Live Heavy Metal
- my favourite musicians are my son and daughter
- pot will become legal as soon as gov'ts figure out how to effectively tax it
- there is one thing worse than being hurt... and that is hurting another
- I'm sorry are two of the hardest words for most
- the more intelligent you are the less happy you are
- some of the finest people I know are considered rednecks
- the Leafs... what can I say?
- ignorance is not bliss
- there is evil in this world
- hockey rules
- people are afraid of getting what they want and will do almost anything to destroy their dreams
- sleeping under the stars is awesome
- The 'Head has the best pot around :l
- I will more than likely spend the remainder of my days alone
- the above sucks
- as does smoking
- shoulda gone to the dentist more often
- most people are good people... even if they forget sometimes
- I've known some beautiful women in my day... where has it gotten me?
- once you realize you need nothing, you will have everything
- I miss You more
- the more I'm aware of the less I know
- ...

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Ticking away...

My disappointment in how Bridgewater turned out has led me to confront that which has been on my mind of late...
That I accept it is simply time to move on.
I've learned all I can here...
Take that next step, so to speak.
Originally I'd decided to stay because of the peace that Pubnico offered.
See, what drives those from here are the very things that draw us 'city folk' to an area such as this.
Solitude...
What I found though, was something quite different.
In a place where 'everyone knows your name', you can't help but know them too.
It's clear to me that as much as I've left an imprint upon you, that you... have left an imprint on me.
What can I say... I'm gonna miss you guys.
:l
I am reminded of what Phil is fond of saying...
"The hippies frighten easily, but they'll be back in greater numbers."
And so it shall be.
One day...

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and so it is...

And when it's time for leavin',
I hope you'll understand,
That I was born a ramblin' man... Read More...