Ya... but

Robin Williams
July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014

Actor/Comedian Robin Williams took his own life yesterday.

He was but 63 years of age.

He won Emmys, Grammys and an Academy Award.

He had family, children and friends.

He also had money.

Some would say he seemingly had it 'all.'

They would be wrong.

It's been said (and ego aside - and, it IS aside), but, the more intelligent one is the less happy one is. Further... the more alone you are. Read up on it here and here.

It's sad but the vast majority of people are ignorant about mental health issues. Scary given recent 'studies' have shown that a staggering 1in4 people suffer from a mental illness.

A blog posting published today at the guardian is both insightful and disturbing.

It comes out hitting in saying "...to say taking your own life because of such an illness is a ‘selfish’ act does nothing but insult the deceased, potentially cause more harm and reveal a staggering ignorance of mental health problems."

Indeed.

One of Williams more oft used quotes is...

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.
I can totally relate to those words.

A buddy of mine said the following...

I'm having problems with Robin Williams death, for me , it's because it makes sense. I can't say I agree with what he did, but I understand how he got there.
"...but I understand how he got there."

I do indeed.

My second 'attempt' at suicide was at the age of 6.
Yes, you read that right.

'Tried' once, and the idea of suicide is with you every single day.

Every... single... day.

Oh I'm not saying I want to kill myself every minute. But the idea is always there... in the back of one's mind.

And at the age of 51yrs I can't see that changing any time soon.

Twice in my life I'd been hit with what's referred to as a Major Depressive Disorder. Basically... clinically depressed. Namely... characterized by a pervasive and persistent low mood that is accompanied by low self-esteem and by a loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.

Being adopted (twice) added to the sense of 'not measuring up'... of being 'inadequate.' It is (and has been) a life-long challenge of mine.

Wasn't that long ago that I was fortunate in having a close friend who just 'happened along' when I needed someone. He begged me to check myself in to a crisis unit... and that is exactly what I did. For 13 days I was an in-patient at a local hospital.

Why?

I am in constant physical pain. Not a little ache here and there. Pain at the point where you don't have the energy to get out of bed. That kind of pain. Add to the fact I hadn't been sleeping and... well.

I'm now under the care of a pain specialist, and have my CPAP back... so pain is being 'managed' (and that's really all I can expect), and... I'm sleeping. These two 'small' things have made the difference in my world. Things don't seem unbearable/hopeless any more.

If you know of someone who suffers (in silence or otherwise) reach out to them. Let them know they are not along.

If you feel as if you are at your wits end... if you feel lost, hopeless... alone... suicide is NOT the answer. It's not any answer. Make a call to a family member, a friend... a crisis line in your area... just don't think that it'll all be ok when you're dead.

It's never ok.

I'll leave you with these...

Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don't kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, "He fought so hard." And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong. ― Sally Brampton, Shoot The Damn Dog: A Memoir Of Depression

Hide in your shell cos the world is out to bleed you for a ride
What will you gain making your life a little longer?
Heaven or Hell, was the journey cold that gave your eyes of steel?
Shelter behind painting your mind and playing joker
Hide in Your Shell - Supertramp