Floyd on the beach

Clapton with Waters

Out for a walk today and Floyd comes up on the playlist.
It's sorted by 'old' Floyd and 'new' Floyd (mostly albums in their entirety.)

Listening to the 'new' stuff again brought back some memories.

Having seen Roger Waters before seeing Pink Floyd was a treat really, as sitting in for David Gilmour was non other than Slowhand himself... Eric Clapton.

He certainly brought new blood to the music.

Gotta say I enjoyed the show.

Floyd at the Grandstand

3yrs later I was fortunate enough to see Floyd at the full CNE Grandstand.

Now that was a spectacle!

And, being that it was Floyd that I was going to see, I went fully 'prepared.'

*cough*

I can't recall everyone who was there, but I know that Larry and Bryan were.

They too, were fully prepared.

:l

Like I said... it was Pink Floyd we were going to see.

Now, just check out their set list.

I leave off now with a treat... a cut from the actual show.

Enjoy!



Pink Floyd performing One of These Days at the CNE Grandstand, 23 September 1987 Read More...

French toast... nonnom

A few months ago I switched from white to whole wheat bread.
Er... it's an age thing.

:l

At any rate... this morning I made french toast. It had been a while and I was curious how the whole wheat would taste. Was I ever surprised! It was simply delicious! When you consider the cinnamon I add, well, that's whole (no pun) new ball game.

Whole wheat and cinnamon... nonmnom. Read More...

'nuff said.

Read More...

Ya... but

Robin Williams
July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014

Actor/Comedian Robin Williams took his own life yesterday.

He was but 63 years of age.

He won Emmys, Grammys and an Academy Award.

He had family, children and friends.

He also had money.

Some would say he seemingly had it 'all.'

They would be wrong.

It's been said (and ego aside - and, it IS aside), but, the more intelligent one is the less happy one is. Further... the more alone you are. Read up on it here and here.

It's sad but the vast majority of people are ignorant about mental health issues. Scary given recent 'studies' have shown that a staggering 1in4 people suffer from a mental illness.

A blog posting published today at the guardian is both insightful and disturbing.

It comes out hitting in saying "...to say taking your own life because of such an illness is a ‘selfish’ act does nothing but insult the deceased, potentially cause more harm and reveal a staggering ignorance of mental health problems."

Indeed.

One of Williams more oft used quotes is...

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.
I can totally relate to those words.

A buddy of mine said the following...

I'm having problems with Robin Williams death, for me , it's because it makes sense. I can't say I agree with what he did, but I understand how he got there.
"...but I understand how he got there."

I do indeed.

My second 'attempt' at suicide was at the age of 6.
Yes, you read that right.

'Tried' once, and the idea of suicide is with you every single day.

Every... single... day.

Oh I'm not saying I want to kill myself every minute. But the idea is always there... in the back of one's mind.

And at the age of 51yrs I can't see that changing any time soon.

Twice in my life I'd been hit with what's referred to as a Major Depressive Disorder. Basically... clinically depressed. Namely... characterized by a pervasive and persistent low mood that is accompanied by low self-esteem and by a loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.

Being adopted (twice) added to the sense of 'not measuring up'... of being 'inadequate.' It is (and has been) a life-long challenge of mine.

Wasn't that long ago that I was fortunate in having a close friend who just 'happened along' when I needed someone. He begged me to check myself in to a crisis unit... and that is exactly what I did. For 13 days I was an in-patient at a local hospital.

Why?

I am in constant physical pain. Not a little ache here and there. Pain at the point where you don't have the energy to get out of bed. That kind of pain. Add to the fact I hadn't been sleeping and... well.

I'm now under the care of a pain specialist, and have my CPAP back... so pain is being 'managed' (and that's really all I can expect), and... I'm sleeping. These two 'small' things have made the difference in my world. Things don't seem unbearable/hopeless any more.

If you know of someone who suffers (in silence or otherwise) reach out to them. Let them know they are not along.

If you feel as if you are at your wits end... if you feel lost, hopeless... alone... suicide is NOT the answer. It's not any answer. Make a call to a family member, a friend... a crisis line in your area... just don't think that it'll all be ok when you're dead.

It's never ok.

I'll leave you with these...

Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don't kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, "He fought so hard." And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong. ― Sally Brampton, Shoot The Damn Dog: A Memoir Of Depression

Hide in your shell cos the world is out to bleed you for a ride
What will you gain making your life a little longer?
Heaven or Hell, was the journey cold that gave your eyes of steel?
Shelter behind painting your mind and playing joker
Hide in Your Shell - Supertramp

Read More...

4:03am...

Gene Wilder Wisdom

After deciding that I was no longer going to waste my time attempting to fall asleep and pull my ass out of bed... I took a 3-block hike on Queen to the local 24/7 Convenience Store. Sam's maybe? At any rate... a walk along Queen at 04:00 always leads to some new observation. Characters abound Queen and Roncy at this hour.

I greeted each with a hearty "'morning."

And in return I got a strong "Good Morning" (on the way to the store) and a slurred Top o' the day to ya (on the way back.)

As on my way ba-ack... I saw, there in the distance... the Golden Arch's of Mickey Dee's.

How could I not? Even after having breakfaster/dinner the call of the Sausage McMuffin (no egg) (x2) and hash-browns (x2) with a medium 2x milk / 3x sugar, stirred please... was one I could not ignore.

And so in I strode (at the above time) and was greeted again with the night-life that is Queen and Roncy.

It is, after-all, the first time I've lived anywhere East of the Humber.
So almost each day there is a sense of new-ness about the area for me.
Well duh...
My Mickey Dee breakfast is just that, my preferred choice of morning intake.

I am though, generally... left alone.

More so at this hour, but, ya... it's comforting (finally) to be at peace with who I am.

I am Me... after-all.
So no, I did not bring my newest staff (perfectly balanced though it is.

Finish my 1st breakfast of the day, walk home (carry delicious coffee), get home, finish off d00b from earlier, have smoke (gaaaa) and finish delicious coffee.

Nap time?

Ya... ri-ight... Read More...

My dear friends...

And I say dear friends in all sincerity.

Sadly though... neither measure up to my original. Found on the shore of Lake Ontario in 1985 while at CFB Kingston, it was a thing of beauty..

I know I have a pic of it somewhere... it's just a matter of time that I come across it (right Ali?)
Sanded and shined over... it was with me every move from the age of 22... my marriage/divorce... raising Brad and Ali... camping, you name it, it was with me.

Unfortunately... it is no longer with me.

Oh it's somewhere out there, a find piece of wood is a rare thing to hold.

With that said... the larger 'staff' on the left (measuring no less than 6'6") was with me on my trip out East. Yup... from Trenton, ON to Pubnico, NS... every step of the way.
Hitch-hiking from Ontario out East, me and my tats, the hair... and this 6'6" piece of wood was something to see. I wondered whether I would actually get picked up (turns out... wasn't an issue.)

:l
When I left for Alberta, I left it in the care of Brad.
Take care of it my Son.
*sniff*

:l

The smaller one on the right (measuring a 'mere' 70") was found, again on the shores of Lake Ontario, post Caribana Parade.

It has yet to receive any TLC... but it will.

Because as I said... a fine piece of wood is a rare thing to hold. Read More...

Seen around...

Though not licensed internationally, the Tall Ship Kajama can be seen around Lake Ontario.

Kajama

Read More...

Smoking... (Part 364)

The Evil Tobacco

For a change... I bought coffee instead of tea.

Instant coffee mind you... but coffee nonetheless.

As a life long drinker of Red Rose Orange Pekoe, for me buying coffee was not an easy decision.
Tea needs to be in a porcelain or glass mug, and not a styrofoam or paper cup. This won't happen when you're out of the house. So I have coffee... Mickey Dee's over Timmy's... Timothy's over Mickey Dee's. Fortunately... all three are within walking distance of home.

Sooo... I'm sitting here, having finished a bagel (with sliced cheese), having my coffee, and smoking what is my one of my last cigarettes.
My 'plan' is to take to The Boardwalk this afternoon, burn this 1/2 d00b, and enjoy what I want to be my LAST cigarette.

Should the rain hold off, of course.

Having spent nearly a year in the wilds of Northern Alberta I can say that I was absolutely looking forward to a Toronto summer.

Hasn't happened yet.
One can 'hope', right?

Since the age of 13, smoking has always held a challenge for me. See, I differentiate between the act of smoking and 'smoking' itself. I can enjoy a cigarette, but I do not like smoking.

That's right, there is a difference.

You see it now, don't you?
You're welcome.

Over the years I have successfully quit. Though I'd started again... I have to admit that I wasn't entirely 'successful'... While I've always viewed stopping/quitting smoking as a relatively simple endeavour (notice I said simple... not easy), the challenge has been in not starting again.

There are just so many occasions where a cigarette compliments an event.
A good dinner...
Fine glass if wine...

Bacon.

A fine woman.
...
*cough*
:l

A great d00b and a double Wisers.

You get the idea.

And that is where I'm 'at' today.
...
The longest I've gone without a cigarette is a little over two years.
I was in my early 30's at the time.
It was shortly after my divorce.
I'd also stopped for 14 months in my mid-40's.
Course, I also decided I wasn't going to exercise, but that I'd eat my way to health instead.

That didn't exactly work out all too well.

:l

I said I'd wanted to finally eradicate this menace once and for all by the time I hit the age of 50.
I'm now a little past 51.

That too hasn't exactly worked out either.

BUT THIS TIME!!!

This time will be different.
Be gone with you evil tobacco!

Be gone with you!

Leave the d00bs though eh.

And the bacon... and the Wisers... well, you get the idea here too.

I want to succeed.

Finally.

All I can ask is that you wish me well.

As I wish you. Read More...